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Nikki,
My husband knows of my suspicion because I always tell it like I see it. Before we moved from this state to go to work for a sister company of the one he worked with Pam at, I told my then therapist about my suspicion. She told me that there were a lot of flags that he was having an emotional affair with Pam but for some reason she didn't think they were having sex. This was before he did the RV thing, I found the money thing & the birthday card thing. He would go to the bar almost every Friday night & there were a few times I just showed up to see what was going on. One night I walked in & he was sitting at a booth with a guy he worked with. When he saw me his face lit up & he was really glad to see me. I sat down next to him & we started to talk. A few minutes later Pam came back from the bathroom & sat next to the other guy. My husband reached under the table & gave her her purse. I instantly was pretty ticked off about it & I wasn't very nice. I only stayed a few more minutes & said I needed to head home because I'd had a crappy day at work. Then whenever I'd go I thought she acted funny but that could be because I was snotty before. One time my friend & I were at a store & Pam walked almost ran right into us. I couldn't tell for sure if she saw us but I wanted my friend to see her because I had told her about my suspicion. Pam looked straight ahead & seemed to be on a mission. She was really walking fast like she was trying to escape. My friend thought I was being paranoid about her wanting not to run into me.
At the beginning of my husband's friendship with Pam I was seeing a therapist for some PTSD symptoms I was having from a botched breast reduction. My husband was working WAY too much, & we were growing apart. Well, I thought I was falling in love with this therapist & I'm sure I was talking about him way too much too. I was feeling guilty for feeling that way but my friend was trying to get me to tell the therapist. She thought it was normal for me to get attached to him. I was working up the nerve to tell him about the same time he told me that he would be moving in a few weeks & he wanted me to see someone else for therapy. Even though he was going to be there for 2 more weeks, he wanted to terminate our therapy that day. Well, that messed me up BIG time! This is about the time that my husband was acting like he & Pam were more than office friends. So I partly blame myself for it if he did have an affair with her. But then we moved away for 5 years & that's when the RV thing, the money thing & just last December the birthday card thing happened. My husband treats me like I'm a princess 95% of the time but the other 5% he treats me like I'm an idiot, lazy & in April he slapped me on the back of the head because he was mad at me. SO I have a lot to work through. My session with my therapist was pretty intense the other day because I told her about his past abuse. He has a hot temper but it's been much better since he started taking paxil. As far as talking to him, I told him years ago that my therapist said his behavior with Pam was suspicious & that she didn't think they were having sex yet but that there were some big red flags. Well, he was ticked at my therapist for that. He has never directly told me that he has been faithful to me until after I started therapy with my new therapist. I talked about how in the past he has hurt me & I have to work through it. He told me that's a 2 way street & I've hurt him plenty too. I thought he was talking about thinking I loved my male therapist & he said that wasn't it. He said it's how I accuse him of having affairs all the time. He told me that I should realize that out of all the men we've known through the years, he's the most honest, loyal, dedicated, faithful husband that he knows of. So then I feel bad for thinking he's messing around. I posted this because I want to have a guys perspective about the things he's done. I don't think men want to post because they're kind of taking care of their own, ya know? If I had money hidden somewhere I'd hire a private detective to follow him for a week. In a few weeks, I'm going out of town with my friend & her hubby because her sister lives in the same town that my sister lives & they're willing to let me tag along for the ride. If I could stay home secretly for the first few days & fly to visit my sister without him knowing it, I would. My friend would let me stay at her house, I'm sure. I've read that that's the way to catch a cheater. Tell them you have to go out of town for some reason but really stay in town. Then sneak home in the next night or 2 to see if you can catch them in the act.
Well, it's late. I'd better get ready for bed. Thanks for your post, I was beginning to think no one was going to.
Take care!





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