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I'll try and answer all of that in one post so forgive me is this is a little scattered.

I think one of our main problems is that we're still both very attracted to eachother physically so when meeting eachother, 'self control' shall we say becomes a problem. Perhaps a break to cool off and get over the break up would've been a good idea but i dont know how i can cope with that right now. I love having him around and he really is one of the best friends i have, he will always be there for me when i ask of it (which is a lot recently due to depression) and that's one of the reasons i think we can stay friends. But it's part of my problem that i'm so dependant on him that i couldn't bear to lose him right now. I know it's wrong and it wont help me get over it but i dont think i could mentally cope with losing him aswel. Neither of us are intending to move on to anyone else any time soon and i would never have any issues with the whole "why does he love her and not me" because it was for different reasons that we broke up. Is it wrong of me to still go to him as my first port of call for help even though we're not together anymore? He doesn't see it as a problem so i'm so unsure.

As a side note which may get me more shouted out, i think deep down i'm half hoping we'll get back together if we end up living closer together due to university choices. I know it's such a bad thing to think and it probably wouldn't even be a good idea but i think it's in my sub-councious. Any ideas how to kick that too?
[QUOTE=ICF;3257552]
I think one of our main problems is that we're still both very attracted to eachother physically so when meeting eachother, 'self control' shall we say becomes a problem. Perhaps a break to cool off and get over the break up would've been a good idea but i dont know how i can cope with that right now. I love having him around and he really is one of the best friends i have, he will always be there for me when i ask of it (which is a lot recently due to depression) and that's one of the reasons i think we can stay friends. But it's part of my problem that i'm so dependant on him that i couldn't bear to lose him right now. I know it's wrong and it wont help me get over it but i dont think i could mentally cope with losing him aswel. Neither of us are intending to move on to anyone else any time soon?[/QUOTE]

You both say that now, but it would be a very very foolish mistake to count on that, because that could change instantly. You have no idea what the future will bring, and you have no way of knowing or controling if he goes out this weekend and meets the woman of his dreams and he's in love like he's never been in love before. Perhaps it's very unlikely that that will happen, but you can't COUNT on it not happening. I thought that way too, when my ex dumped me. I thought he'd never find the woman he was looking for. He told me it would take a long time to get over me, blah blah blah. less than a year later he's shacked up with someone, someone who had many, MANY of the qualities in a woman he told me he would never, ever want. Don't count on "oh, he won't find anyone else that fast."

[QUOTE=ICF;3257552]
and i would never have any issues with the whole "why does he love her and not me" because it was for different reasons that we broke up. Is it wrong of me to still go to him as my first port of call for help even though we're not together anymore? He doesn't see it as a problem so i'm so unsure.

i think deep down i'm half hoping we'll get back together if we end up living closer together due to university choices. I know it's such a bad thing to think and it probably wouldn't even be a good idea but i think it's in my sub-councious. Any ideas how to kick that too?[/QUOTE]

Well, I don't know why you guys broke up, and you don't have to tell us if you dont' want to, but obviously you didn't dump him because you fell out of love with him and didn't want him around anymore.

Oh, ICF, I know you know your situation much better than I do, so you know better than I do what you're risking, but I'm just so afraid you're setting yourself up for a hard hard fall. I know the two situations are different, but I did the same thing, did the "just friends" thing, secretly hoping he'd change his mind and take me back, that we could work out whatever differences we had. But it never happened that way. I hung around like a love-sick puppy waiting for him to love me again and I just got kicked in the teeth, so badly that it scarred me for life. I haven't been the same person since. I know you guys want to be around each other now, but trust me, the day of reckoning will come when one of you will be hit by a bolt of lightening by someone else and you'll fall in love with someone else and that person probably wont' be able to understand why ex lovers need to be so close and the relationship will most likely end anyway.

I still say the ONLY way staying friends with an ex works is if you both can fully accept and embrace the fact that the romantic aspect of the relationship is over, dead and gone, for good, and you're both totally ok with that. If you both aren't there, you need to do whatever you can to get there. Otherwise, you're not done getting your heart smashed.





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