It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Well, here we go again with this unfortunate situation I wish had never arisen in the first place. :( For those who haven't heard me talk about this before, here goes:

Somewhere in the region of two or three years ago my sister started making drunken and highly inappropriate sexualised comments about my bf. It started out with her mentioning how "sexy" he was, she repeated that assertion on a couple more (always drunken) occasions and then finally, as if trying to back track and undo the damage of her previous assertions, she went into a drunken rant one night about what a "lovely bloke" he was and how she'd "love to be closer to him". She was attempting to paint everything that had come out of her mouth prior to that in a purely platonic light, but it wasn't going to wash with me. You don't repeat for platonic reasons on several different occasions that your sisters bf is "a ride" and "a fine thing" and other vulgarisms in the Dublin vernacular you probably wouldn't understand and might not be acceptable to the mods were I to explain in explicit detail!

I don't know how much memory she has of her prior comments, as they were all delivered in states of inebriation, but I do know that she must have some memory of at least one of them, as her attempt at a 'patch-up job' on the last night would indicate. Even on that final night the way she was going on was inappropriate; I just wish I could play the tape for you people - she was absolutely gushing about him...

Anyway, after that I'd had enough, and I (unfortunately) took it out on him one night, telling him that I was sick of the way she launched herself at him for a full physical body hug every time she saw him in that mad flamboyant style, like he was her long lost husband just after having unexpectedly reappeared at the end of the war. :rolleyes: I told him (yes, unfairly, I know) that I felt he was encouraging this by way of the fact that he'd never actively discouraged it. He could see I was very annoyed.

A couple of weeks after that she turned up at our home. He'd just walked out the door and apparently she'd hugged him (cold mountain style, no doubt) outside the back door on her way up the path. Later that evening she and I drove to the local supermarket to get some wine or something in for the dinner and she said to me; "Have I done something wrong, have I said something I should know about, because I hugged ____ today and he was very cold towards me ". Also, she mentioned that he had been more conversational with my brother, who was also there that evening; but she did not put it in that way. She said that she "had felt ignored" and that my bf "must be very rude"!!!

I brushed all that off and hoped she'd get the message and that it wouldn't have to come to a row between her and myself, because the last time we had a row we didn't speak for SIX YEARS!!! :dizzy: and I REALLY didn't want a repeat of that, at least as much for my sons sake as for hers and mine.

Anyway, a few months went by, she's been in his company several times since then and has had nothing to say; but a couple of nights back he came in as she and I were sitting at my kitchen table. They said their hello's and to be honest I didn't even notice the exchange, never mind anything odd about it, but she called me the next day and started trotting out the same old BS, asking me had she done or said something wrong and why had he been so rude to her? I asked her what she meant and she said she'd said hello to him and he'd been very rude. I took this to mean she'd said hello and he hadn't responded to her (which wouldn't be like him at all, that's not his nature) so I said, maybe he didn't hear you say hello, I didn't hear you myself. Then she said, "No, he definitely heard me, he said hello back", then I said; "Well then how was he rude to you"? She said; "Because he never made eye contact when he said it"!!! :dizzy:

It's clear that she's watching and decoding his every little response or slightest interaction with her, and it's really bothering me at this stage. I know the man and if he didn't make eye contact with her while saying hello it didn't mean a damn thing; he was probably busy closing the door behind him or something. It's not like he's behaving like a cat on a hot tin roof with her since my conversation with him. He has voluntarily sat in her company several times since then, and called out to her home with me when he could have avoided it. Yes he is aware that I am uncomfortable with the level of over-familiarity she was formerly displaying, but his changes in demeanor around her are so subtle you'd have to be [I][B]really really[/B][/I] watching out for them to notice. I haven't noticed them myself, so that'll tell you something! I'm sorry this post is so very long, it's just that this story goes back a long way and it's really bothering me. It's plainly obvious she's watching and monitoring his behaviour towards her like a hawk, far more than is normal or necessary.

My sister has a very combustive personality, she has no confrontational skills at all, nothing is negotiable with her, every disagreement is taken as a personal insult and must result in an explosive row that leaves a reside of deep bitterness. It's very unfortunate because believe it or not, we are actually usually very close. I just don't know how to get her to back off and stop examining her encounters with my bf like they bloody mattered or were any of her business to scrutinise. I know I haven't heard the end of this from her and I'm afraid that at some future point it'll blow up like halloween night... That's the way things go when my sister doesn't get her way, even with the treatment she expects/demands from her own sisters bf, apparently... :mad:

I discussed this in detail with a close friend of mine the other day and she was just gobsmacked that my sister would approach me with the complaint that she didnt feel my bf was paying her deep enough a sense of respectful attention. My friend reckons it's none of her business to be put out over the fact that my bf isnt fawning all over her, and that's she's obviously got a very watchful eye on his behaviours in order to notice such minor things in the first place.

I'm just wondering what you all think or if anyones got any advice on how to deal with the situation before it all comes to a head, as I have the bad feeling that my sister is sure to drive it in that direction, in fact I believe she's already doing so. My son was hysterically upset the last time it looked like myself and my sister might be about to have a falling out, as he was waiting for a repeat of the six year episode. Help! :(

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:03 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!