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Am I dating a jerk?
Oct 16, 2007
My boyfriend, my parents and I are all living under one roof, and it's become a nightmare. My family and I recently moved to another state, and my bf wanted to live there and be with me. As far as work was concerened, he was supposed to transfer jobs but he was fired due to something petty. SO he came down with us with no money, no car, and no job lined up. But he said he'd have everything taken care of in about a month of two.

Well, 3 months later he got a job that he cant stand b/c he's working 60 hrs a week. He's also been using my father's rental car (dad got rear ended) for about 2 months. He's also not paying rent to my parents, buying any groceries, or contributing any way, shape, or form. My mom does his laundry, folds his clothes, and only expects him to say "hey, is there anything I can do for you today (vacuum, clean, take trash out etc)? But he doesnt, only if he is asked and it's usually because he HAS to.

My parents are pretty meticulous about their house; they take pride in it and so they clean up often. My bfs parents, however, were not like that. They had few rules, and if the dishes piled up about a foot high in the sink, no one would be yelling about it. Basically our families are completely different, and anytime a disagreement arises my bf says, "Back home, my parents wouldnt care about that."

Last week my bf went back home to get his car, and when he returned my dad's rental car he didnt leave a drop of gas in it or even say thanks for letting me borrow it for 2 months. My dad was furious, and my bf couldnt understand why.

My dad said my bf never gave him a card for his bday nor even said happy b-day. My bf tries to be as little around my parents as he has to. He feels they are controlling and have too many rules. Sometimes he will leave a load of newspapers all over my bed and his clothes on the floor, and my mom will throw out some of the trash and put his clothes in drawers, and he gets pissed off that things have to be that way.

He also talks to his mom online every night, and a couple of times he left the aim chat box opened. I read some things and got my feelings really hurt. He was saying how he hates where we live b/c "it's a new house with no character, gated communities, and la tee da." He has said how my parents are just nice enough (despite that my mom washes his clothes, sews up holes in his parents that his own mother didnt do and that he lives here for free).

His mom hates me too. She hates me (although doesnt admit it) because her son moved out of state for me. She has never met my parents, and my mom has went back home and asked about meting up with her. She said she was too busy for that. She never called once here to say "thank you for letting my son live with you and treating him well until he can afford to get out on his own....NOTHING. She never calls to speak with me or say hi to me.

My bf told his mom online that my parents get on his nerves and he tries to stay away from them as much as he can. He never tries to sit and have a convo with them or make much of an effort to be nice. He only has a bad attitude when he is here, and it's making me miserable.

SInce he has been gone everyone has been getting along great here. My parents and I go out more and argue less. Im in less of a bad mood b/c he isnt marching around with his attitude. My parents want him gone b/c they feel he is trying to turn me against them.

My bf has off on sundays and every other saturday; however, when my parents have a cook out or want all of us to do something as a family, he gets mad when we cant have our alone time. WHen my dad was rear ended down here, we took him to the hospital the next day. He asked if we could stay the day up there with him b/c he haS a heavy greek accent, and didnt want to have trouble understanding the docs. My bf told his mom online that he was mad he had to waste his whole day up there on his day off, and she took his side.

Sometimes my dad would get on his nerves about asking him to bring down his car, and he would get so frustrated. Hed would tell his mom, and she would take his side once again, which makes me sick.

I really need to talk to my bf about this. Basically he cant stand my family, and his family may accept me one day b/c they have to but deep down they will truely never love me. Thats not the type of marriage i'd want to have someday, but I see how good it can be when I look at both my parents' families.

I'd really like to tell him that I need to be apart for a while or break up while he is back home, but still have my computer at his house, and he has all of his belongings here. If I tell him when he comes back, I'd feel bad for him having to pay to come all the way down here and leave. Im afraid of how he'd react b/c he can really have a temper.

But it just hurts me to see what he is doing to this family, how bad he makes them feel, etc. They never expected him to give them money, just respect, and that usually includes spending time with them, saying thank-you, and he;ping out around the house from time to time. I'm just not 100% positive about our future anymore.

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