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Relationship Health Message Board


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[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="3"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]First, I'm SO glad I found this message board. I was doing an internet search. I've been divorced for over 20 years and I didn't date anyone for over 14 years....I was busy working all the time on a home business. Then my ex-sister in law passed away. A couple of months later my her husband (my ex-husband's brother) asked me out. I've known him for years.....I married at 14, was married 26 years, and we all used to get together as a family for various things. Well, I just thought once we got past "remember when" that nothing would come of it. I was just going out to have something to do.....and I trusted going out with him because I've known him for so long. I should add here that I am 64 and he is 78. But, he has worked out for years and no one thinks he's that age....he looks much younger than his years. One problem also is that I also look much younger than my years. People think I'm in my 50's. Why am I saying this? Because sometimes I think that bothered him when we were with other people. He always wanted it to be "just us". No couples, no groups......just us. But, we did go places where there were people we both knew....just not often.

Well, it so happened that we had a WONDERFUL time together. We laughed, liked so many of the same things and so on. Well, we've been going together for 2-1/2 years. We had SOOO many good times and fun together. We even have photo albums of all our good times. But, I can't begin to tell you how many times we broke up. He is NOT a communicator. He will run first. He is the hardest person I've ever met to communicate with.....on an emotional level that is. We talked and talked about many other things. I didn't love him at first. In fact, the first time we tried being intimate, it was a disaster.....at least I thought so. He thought it was fine. I had to teach him how to kiss and many other intimate things......he even surprised himself. Well, I guess needless to say, we fell head over heels in love. I have no doubt that he loved me and I know I loved him.....and 'think' I still do. But the communication problem caused many disagreements and times he wouldn't call for days on end.....he'd say he wanted to, but he's a VERY stubborn and bull headed man. I also knew that from knowing his wife that died....we were close and she told me things over the years.

Well....I could go on and on about our relationship, but I won't. Bottom line is that I've felt something different coming from him and he wouldn't talk about it. I've seen the breakup coming for a LONG time......I've even tried it before, but we always were drawn back together like a magnet and a paper clip. Our love making became VERY intimate, intense and close. We spent the night together on many, many occasions over that last two plus years. Well, we just talked on the phone a while ago today and I finally got him to tell me. I was very calm and listened.....because I finally got him to communicate. He said the flame has just died down and the honeymoon was just over. He said it happens to a lot of people and I do know that.

But.....even though I've known for quite some time that there could NEVER be a future for us and that he was NOT 'the man' for me, I just couldn't let go. I even bought a book called "How to Fall Out Of Love: How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts and Find the Love That Heals" by Dr. Debora Phillips. I've known for a long time that this wouldn't work. So....what's wrong with me? He has been the center of my life for over two years. He's the one I did things with, went places with, loved and made love to.

Now, at my age, I'm SO scared that I will NEVER love again, or be loved, or hold a man again, or have a man hold me like he did. I'm afraid I will NEVER have the good times that we did or laugh as much as we did. He was VERY romantic and tender.....he even sung songs to me a lot. I'm just plain scared that this is going to be TOO hard for me to get over, my heart will hurt for a very long time, that I will never love again....and so on.

There's another side to this also. There's another man that wants me to go out with him. He's been waiting in the background for over 6 months....I've only talked with him on the phone.....but he's picked me up when my B.F. wouldn't call or let me down. This man says....."go on back to him, date others of you want.....I'll be waiting. I know we will end up together. He's says it was "love at first sight"......he say me having dinner with my B.F. a while back. Well, I don't want him to be someone I go to to ease the hurt from just breaking up. He's a very good man, cute as a button, has a wonderful relationship with his family....and so many other good qualities. I'm just afraid I would always compare him with my ex. I don't know if I CAN love someone again.....or love someone like I did my ex. Has anyone else (duhhh!) gone through something like this who could help me in some way? I'm just heart sick. My heart actually hurts, I can't eat, I can't sleep.....I just want to GO TO BED and wake up when I'm over my ex.

For one thing, I think it hurts even more that HE did it. He was always sort of like a puppy with me......always wanting to be around me, always wanting us to be together......and so on. I even had to ask him to "please give me some space" at times. But now HE is the one who finally said "it's over". But he was very worried how hurt I would be. I'm sorry.....I'm rambling here. I think you have the drift. I'm NOT 22 or 32 and have my whole live ahead of me. I have two granddaughters ages 28 and 18 who just broke up and we KNOW what each other is going through.....and, belive it or not, THEY are the ones helping grandma. (I know for a couple of weeks that he OR I had to end it.) I've not only lost a lover and friend, but someone who's been a family member for years.....his daughter was one of my very good friends.

I know there's no EASY way to get over someone who's been such a huge part of your life, but does anyone have anything that can give me hope or help ease this? Thank you VERY much.

Just signed "not even crying in Illinois.....just numb & hurting."[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]





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