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hi there,

yes...you are right that we will NEVER be a couple in any sense of the word again. He probably is thankful for that...more than I am right now, as I am upset and feel used. I have never been played/used by anyone in my life, this is the first time. I am a firm believer that bad things happen to good people and I don't know why....but I also believe that at some point, you get what you put out there...so if you put out good, you get good and if you put out bad....you get bad back in your face. God will take care of this for me, he always takes care of me for some reason.

As for my ex, I am going to meet him. I am going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me, I know how it feels to want to see and talk with someone, I don't know what my feelings are for him, I won't know until I see him. However, he is really a man. He acted in a mature manner. he is a tough cookie, trust me, a tough person. Hard headed is putting it mildly. For him to say and do all these things was probably the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. Dealing with feelings and being open isn't always easy for people I know it isn't easy for my ex and I know him many, many years. I too sabatoged the relationship, it takes two to make something work...you know that. We are both very strong headed, so that was a problem from the get go. I will meet him, and for my own good, I want to kiss him. I want to....I have to compare it. I wasn't feeling butterflies with this other jerk either...they wore off. His kiss wasn't great, kind of blah...I don't know what he was doing with his tongue! Anyway, I need to do that for me. I need to remember how my ex kissed me. Sounds immature, but I need to do that. I don't know.

This idiot hasn't been around this weekend and I saw him go home this morning (I waited to leave until I knew he was home). I am trying to avoid him as best as I can. I haven't seen him since Thursday morning. I hope when my b'day arrives my satisfaction will as well. He knows it is my birthday and he should, if he has an ounce of decency in him, come and see me to say happy birthday (since he thinks we are friends). At that time....I will get my satisfaction in a very lady like way. I keep telling myself that he will never meet someone like me again. EVER. I told me ex that too and look...he is back. Sometimes I don't believe it.....but when I think about it...I know by today's standards I am a gem......and I really believe that. This perhaps jolted my self confidence and ego but I will get back up, I always do. I am angry, very angry and the way he handled things....like a BOY not a man....left a very bad taste in my mouth.

Why do men (or boys) run away rather than confront things? I would like to know that? I am trying to avoid him, I think it is best. Player, loser, boy, whatever, I should never have gotten involved this is the biggest mistake I have ever made. Also, as cute as I am, what bothers me the most is that he did not want to be seen with me...I know that in my gut. I wonder why? Is it because someone might think he is involved and in a relationship or that someone he messed around with might warn me about him or that his intentions aren't good and weren't from the get go???????? That hurts me......I am not bad looking at all, Honestly.

I really appreciate all you kind words and advice, I would like to hear what you have to say about men in general. Not all are like you!

how are things with you? Did you see your girlfriend? Pls. let me know what happened if you did.





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