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Oh my my my!

I have sit for over 2 LONG hours and read all your post on this subject. It was quite a ride. Hmmm where to begin? When the whole post started about the week that he kept telling you that you guys would talk the next night, and that turned into the NEXT night, and then the NEXT, I KNEW he wouldnt talk. WHY? I am female, but I have done this. It's simple. He was hoping you would just give up and let it go.

I don't want to upset you, and I am sorry that you are in this horrible situation, but it's a bed you pretty much made for yourself. He TOLD you he didn't want a relationship. Rule 1! If someone tells you this, male or female.....believe them! They mean it. I don't see that he played you, I think you played along. I think you were so hung up on this guy that you couldn't see the forest for the trees. I want to invite you to take the time...(as I just did) to read everything you have written over the past few months. It's sad, and it's (to me) very plain that this guy simply was NOT ever as involved with you as you were with him. Most of the time he made it very clear by what he said....(and that is just from YOU told us).

I can't for the life of me, figure WHY you would continue to go over there night after night begging him to talk! With every action he took, he was letting you know it was over. I believe in my heart that he considered this so very very casual that not calling was nothing to him. NOW, you are asking what you should do when you see him! DON't give this man anymore satisfaction! DON'T let him know how he got to you!! WHY talk or be nice to him? I am telling you one way or the other, it WILL NOT matter to him. Ignoring him........he simply will not CARE! He might even be relieved that you finally gave up.

Sadly, I have done this to men I didn't care about. Why? Because it didn't matter to me. If they ignored me.....I frankly didn't notice. This is not going to hurt him. You cannot hurt him. Chalk this up to a lesson well learned. Hold your head up when you meet him, and walk on by!! Not ignoring him, but having NOTHING for him.

I hope I am not being too frank. I wish I had read this post months ago. This was one you couldn't win because there are no winners. Please, if you do nothing else....get out with friends and family and meet other people! No need for talking, when it's over. You did it, you learned and grew from it. Damaged people always survive. He is damaged in a big way. Don't waste anymore time even thinking about him. I would bet my life he hasn't thought another thing about it!

Mileena
How do they live with themselves? In his mind, he did nothing wrong. I honestly believe that he thought you knew the score as well as he did. Right now, I am sure you can continue to have a sexual relationship with him (no strings or expectations) attached. He could come and go when the urge hits him. THAT is up to you, and if you think that is enough for you. Would you like to make your body available to someone when they need another warm body and that is all? This is all he is looking for, it seems. Of course, I don't know either of you......but it appears that he put a lot of time and effort into obtaining one roll in the hay, and then you say it wasn't even good.

Sometimes, in life there are choices to make. I know from reading your post that you really really like this guy. Choice is......do you want to have a sexual ongoing "fling" and hope it will turn into something more....or you can pretend this never happened and hope you can move past it.

You say you want the satisfaction of slamming the door in his face. It won't matter. Even if by some miracle he comes to your door......it will not bother him to have that happen. You have to have an emotional investment in someone to feel hurt, and I don't think he has that with you.

You say this has never happened to you before. There was a first time for all of us. I don't think he set out to play you for a fool. I think he set out to win the trust of a "good" woman, and get her in bed. He accomplished that and now he is finished. Chalk one up for him. I am so sorry that it had to hurt for this lifes lesson. You will survive and be better prepared for the next jerk who only wants to play!

Mileena
Just keep your eyes wide open with your ex, you have been through enough and don't need his comfort right now. Just be wary with him. Neighbor should remain just that and you should treat him no different than any other neighbor, be cordial. You do not need him as a friend or anything more, he has shown you that he is insecure and defensive and frankly very childish. Get yourself a mature male who is all together and lives for the day and has an outlook for the future. Anyone that lives in the past should stay there. The past, regardless of how screwy it can be at times, needs to be nothing more thatn a learned experience and needs to stay there. We have all been hurt by an ex somewhere along the line but if we approach tomorrow fully guarded and expecting the worst then that is usually what we end up with. Keep in a forward direction, You will find that nice guy (not just a fascade) that truly knows how to appreciate you and happiness can be realized. We as men are not all the same, Some of us truly care and respect women, we just don't always get the chance to show because i find women guarded and defensive based on past experiences of the a**hole that they were with last.
Give us a chance and keep up with your search
My goodness, you are so smart, sweet and a gem. It is hard to come by someone like you in this very cruel world. You are so very right. I have to learn that noone is without fault. It is silly (although human of me) of me to seek revenge and wish bad thoughts. I just don't like what he did or how he went about it and this is the first time in my life that something like this has happened and a person that I really thought was decent, sort of turned their back and flicked me off like I was worthless and useless. I hope he realizes in the end that although I am not perfect, by today's standards I am good, kind decent and caring. I hope he knows that. I just want him to realize what he has done to a good decent human being. He has a Mom, sister and niece that he adores, he should realize that someday somebody can do this to one of them......then what? Will he have the balls to tell them he was an emotionless pig too..........? I wonder about people, however I should focus my energy on something better, you are so right.

A guy I met 2 weeks ago that I graduated elementary school called me last night. We talked for about an hour and a half. I wonder....I am not sure if he is interested or just catching up. He is cute, and he is the same age as me...thank goodness and he is not married, never has been. Turns out our mom's know each other...odd eh. I just don't feel the dating thing right now...not with my ex, not with this new guy, not with the player that I just got entangled with. I was alone for almost 2 years........I didn't have a boyfriend and I probably should have remained that way. It would have been easier...than this.

Thank you for your kind words of wisdom, I will try to remember that I am a lady an I have my dignity for sure. I just don't know why he walked by me today and didn't give me 60 seconds of his time? I didn't do anything that awful.....





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