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[QUOTE=walkabout;3273068]I am sort of disagreeing with the other posts. [/QUOTE]


Walkabout, I think I agree with you. Actually I would endorse your very words. Painful as it is, the best way to handle this is to be open.

Since Woekee is a woman, too, it may be easier for her (than if it were a son) to be an emotional support for her mother and help her move on, if this is her need. Mother and daughter should sit together and discuss it all without covering anything. This will be a most difficult encounter for both, but at the end it will probably be like a catharsis. A compromise should be found. The point is that while acknowledging her pain and frustration, Woekee should also realize that her mother is a human being, and human beings make mistakes. Making a mistake is not so bad as persisting in the mistake. Who knows to what extent Woekee's father is also responsible for his wife's deeds? Did he desert her without publicly showing it? Perhaps he already knows that something is going on? Anyway, a marriage is almost always a very difficult area of human relationship. It is never a rose garden. It is dangerous to judge spouses summarily.

On the other hand, children tend to show more tolerance with their fathers than with their mothers. What if Woekee's father were also having a secret affair? Would Woekee be so devastated and angry as she is now with her mother? This is clearly a double standard, whereby men often can get away with marital infidelity whereas women usually can't. Woekee should be reminded of this.
[QUOTE=Seraph;3273268]I am getting more and more uncomfortable with this line of thought. IMO, this daughter found out something, basically by snooping into her mother's email, confronted her mother with it, demanded that she stop, and now, through snooping again, [U]suspects[/U] her of continuing. It is hurtful, but her parents' marriage is none of her business. She does not live at home, she is an adult with her own life. Whatever her mother has done in the past, it is not for her to sit in judgement. Whether her mother tells her father or not is entirely up to the mother herself. Mother did not burden this person with this secret, she took it upon herself. Butt out of your parents' lives, you don't have nearly enough evidence, knowledge, understanding to confront them with this. Talk to your mother by all means, but try to do so without the self-righteous blaming attitude. This stuff can happen to anyone, and she has enough stuff to deal with already.[/QUOTE]

Seraph, I know that every case is different, but you know what, when your playing with fire, your likely to get burned. I got caught with my car parked where it should not have been. It may be different then if someone is snooping in e-mails, but she is flesh and blood and has been deeply wounded by what she discovered. Her reaction was through shock and betrayal. I do not beleive that age makes a difference. These are her parents. Yes, their marraige is there own privacy, but this just simply effects a child at no matter what age. Who knows if this mom is still having an affair. The only way to get to the bottom of it, is to talk things out and get everything out in the open. Getting caught for me, was the best thing that could have happened. Even when I tried to end it ( and maybe she does'nt want to)it was the beginning of an end for me. I went through hell. But, I have totally changed my life values.





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