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I used to love both my parents so much I thought I never could live without them. Now, I sometimes just hate my mom so much I didnít care if she dies tomorrow. Hereís my story: a few years back during the summer I turned 18, I found out my mom was cheating with her co-worker. Somehow I sensed something was wrong, I went into her outlook using her labtop, and what I read there just shattered my seemingly perfectly innocent world. Like all the cheater who got caught, when confronted, my mom first denied and after I shoved the evidence onto her face, she assured me there wasnít anything physical between them. Even as she swore it was only an emotional affair, I was devastated. I felt she had betrayed my dad and the whole family, and the whole happy family thing was a total lie. I never let anyone know about it and she promised me she would end it with him.

For about a year, my heart raced when I open my own email inbox. And every night until I had worn myself out, I wouldnít dare to go to bed because I would be going over the details of the emails I saw, trying to recollect when my mom might have lied to us in the past and coming up with plans to kill that damn guy. I also got into a habit of cursing this guy in my head whenever I was not focusing on something else. I live a long away from home, so I would also be wondering if my mom was seeing him. Over the years, I gradually recovered; although I know I havenít really let go. I just learned not to think about it too much.

Just when I thought I was getting better, another thing popped up recently when I visited home on vacation. My mom came home from work unusually earlier this evening and received a call on her cell when she was talking to me. I knew something was wrong by the way she looked at her phone and the way she talked. It was just so unnatural. Awhile later when she went into shower, I looked through the call record on her phone and found the entry of the call she just received was deleted. I didnít shove the evidence on her face this time, but I brought the whole issue up again after a few weeks basically just let her know I am not trusting her. I could not make out whether she was a great actress or was just telling the truth, I couldnít question her any further and could only choose to believe then that she had kept her promise.

But now after I left home, I found out I wasnít convinced after all. Not only do I still hate that manís guts, I now hate my mom, too. I still talk with her on the phone but always very brief. I only really want to talk to my dad. On her side, I guess she knew I donít trust her. I donít know what I can do to live free of this dark secret. It haunts me, gets me depressed from time to time, and makes me an unhappy person. Why did she delete the phone record? What can I do to live my life? I appreciate just any advice.
I am sort of disagreeing with the other posts. Please read my post just recently on Would you tell your husband? I am that mother that did the selfish act to my family. It is the most devistating thing that I had done to my daughter and it totally crushed me. If your mom has issues with your father, than I think that she needs to resolve her problems with him now or move on without him. I'm not sure if your mom is still having an affair or not, but if there is still sneaking around, your suspicions are probably correct. I feel you should sit down with your mom in a calm matter and tell her exactly how you feel. I would also tell her that you can't live with the secrets any more and that you are going to give her a time frame in which she should come clean. Otherwise you will. You should not have to carry her deception. Be blunt with her about either getting some sort of counceling with your father or have a family discussion. No one deserves to live like this. Not your father or you. The only way that the pain can begin to heal, is if you confront the problem head on. I'm not sure if your mom realizes this yet, but it could also be freeing for her as well. Some people just don't now what to do.

I will be here if you have any questions. I wish you my best and my heart goes out to you.:angel:
I agree with what walkabout had to say. Yes, your mother is human and we all make mistakes, but your mother's mistake is not only affecting her. Her selfish act is hurting you, her child, not to mention your father or any siblings you may have.

I think you really need to get this all out in the open. This will give you an opportunity to get your feelings out there and give her a chance to explain her side of things. Parents shouldn't have to justify their actions to their children, but in this case I think she does. Who knows, your father may have a woman on the side as well, he may already know and not care of the affair, there are just so many possibilities. The bottom line is you don't know the whole story and getting this out in the open with your mother will help you to know it. It just may also get your mother to see just how much she is affecting those around her. She may not even realize the implications of her actions.

I also think that you should seek some counselling. You need to find a healthy way to overcome this, and plotting the death of the man involved isn't it. I couldn't even imagine being in your position, but I am sure it is wreaking havoc on you. Make sure you are doing what you can to make yourself whole again. :angel:
[QUOTE=Seraph;3273268]I am getting more and more uncomfortable with this line of thought. IMO, this daughter found out something, basically by snooping into her mother's email, confronted her mother with it, demanded that she stop, and now, through snooping again, [U]suspects[/U] her of continuing. It is hurtful, but her parents' marriage is none of her business. She does not live at home, she is an adult with her own life. Whatever her mother has done in the past, it is not for her to sit in judgement. Whether her mother tells her father or not is entirely up to the mother herself. Mother did not burden this person with this secret, she took it upon herself. Butt out of your parents' lives, you don't have nearly enough evidence, knowledge, understanding to confront them with this. Talk to your mother by all means, but try to do so without the self-righteous blaming attitude. This stuff can happen to anyone, and she has enough stuff to deal with already.[/QUOTE]

Seraph, I know that every case is different, but you know what, when your playing with fire, your likely to get burned. I got caught with my car parked where it should not have been. It may be different then if someone is snooping in e-mails, but she is flesh and blood and has been deeply wounded by what she discovered. Her reaction was through shock and betrayal. I do not beleive that age makes a difference. These are her parents. Yes, their marraige is there own privacy, but this just simply effects a child at no matter what age. Who knows if this mom is still having an affair. The only way to get to the bottom of it, is to talk things out and get everything out in the open. Getting caught for me, was the best thing that could have happened. Even when I tried to end it ( and maybe she does'nt want to)it was the beginning of an end for me. I went through hell. But, I have totally changed my life values.

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