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[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hi Missbrit:

OH MY can I EVER related to what you posted. YES....I certainly can relate to you. This could have been ME posting this. I too have been broken up for about three weeks from a 2-1/2 year relationship with my ex. Everything was WONDERFUL in the beginning. Then came the dysfunctional crap. My ex wasn't "high strung", but he was VERY stubborn, bull headed, wanted his own way, would pout when he didn't get it and punish me by not calling for days on end and things that just DROVE ME NUTS. The thing that also "drove me nuts" is that he took NO responsibility for any of it. It was always ME. Little by little I felt my self esteem going down. Then I began seeing this person coming out of me that I didn't know....I saw this "needy, clingy" woman and WHO in the heck was that? He was very secretive about MANY things in his life. No, it wasn't that he was unfaithful....I knew I could trust him....but he was 14 years older than me....I'm 64 and he's 78 and VERY set in his ways. I should have known (and did in many ways) because I knew him for years. He was my ex-husband's brother and we always got together as our children where growing up to do family things (I was married at 14 and was married for 26 years). So, my ex's wife and I were friends. She was German and her nickname for him was Gestapo!! That says a lot. BUT, he 'seemed' to be different with me. But I know now that he just "put on a different face" when he was with me because he knew I wouldn't put up with that.

But HOW refreshing to read your post and see it is NOT just me that ended up thinking "am I really CRAZY?" NO I'm not......but I acted that way in response to the many times he just closed up. He had NO idea how to talk or communicate in a relationship. I was the first one after his wife died....so he only did what he was used to doing for over 45 years. Yes, just like you said, my ex drove me crazy too. I got to the place where I didn't recognize myself either......and, again, he thought it was ALL my fault.

I even talked to him after the breakup (on the phone) and wanted to leave a positive spin on things.....so I told him I would always remember the good times, the closeness, and so on......in other words, I apologized the the craziness. And....know what? HE did NOT. He just said in his arrogant way "that's okay. I'm not the kind to hold a grudge. I just don't think about it." NO apology from HIM taking ANY responsibility for any of it. HEY...it takes TWO to have a good relationship AND a bad one. But not HIM. He did nothing wrong.

As a result of that, I sat here by myself for some time feeling all this guilt and anger...blaming myself AND being angry at HIM for not taking any responsibility for any of the crazy stuff. He was the kind who, if everything was fun, laughter, all going well......he was fine. All on the surface stuff. But, Heaven forbid you ever bring up any deep subject like emotions. OH, yes...he would and could do that when we were being intimate.....but then would forget about it later. Yes, I loved him and I have NO doubt that he loved me very much.....but, we brought out both the BEST and the WORST in each other. Some would think that's a good thing.....and it can be.....but ONLY if there is good communication. My ex had NO idea how to communicate and didn't even think there was ever a NEED to. If there was any disagreement, in his thinking, you just avoid talking about it at all costs and then wait until it all blows over. Well.....isn't there a name for that? I think it's called STUFFING and can drive people nuts.

I also related to what "Seraph" wrote when she said her daughter told her at the end of a relationship: "I didn't like who I was becoming when I was with my ex." I also want to reclaim my softer ans sweeter side.

Sorry for my long post too and also for letting ME vent. But, when I read your post, I just had to let you know that YES, there IS someone out here who has went through the same thing (and still is) and also wondered "am I CRAZY?":confused:

I hope you heal very soon (and me too) and I'm wishing you the very best,:)
godfreygirl[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]





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