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But let me add this also.. when I finally left, I woke up one morning (when he was there) and packed all the stuff I could into my car. (most abusers though won't let you leave) He let me leave since he was mad also. But let me tell you this- even though your husband is a horrible man for the way he treats you and you know this, don't let the guilt trips send you back to him. He is going to try and tell you EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO HEAR..then a week later it'll go back to being the same way it was before.
My ex made me feel the worse guilt, thats a HUGE reason why it was hard to leave. I knew I couldn't possibly love someone who didn't have the least amount of respect for me but the guilt still ate me up inside.. the suicide threats, the crying- it all made me feel so guilty. I think I woke up one morning and just didn't carry that guilt feeling anymore. I kept reminding myself that he did it to himself and I was the best girlfriend EVER and he didnt deserve someone so good. Cause he didn't do anything to deserve someone with such a big heart... like you my dear....but yah I just thought i'd share that with you...
[QUOTE=J_A_K;3275868]Happymom, did you just get up and leave one day? Without saying anything? Whenever I talk to my therapist, or my parents, or read these threads I really feel that I need to do it that way, but I kind of clam up when I go to do it. I guess I'm afraid.[/QUOTE]

No, unfortunately I did not. I did the whole "threatenting to leave" thing if he didn't change that fell on deaf ears. Then he would threaten to take our daughter if I left. I was very scared of him and what he might have done, but I did finally do it. Then he put on a great act and I got sucked into the back and forth game for too long before I finally ended it for good. Hindsight is 20/20 and if I could do it all again I would have packed up myself and my daughter and left with no forwarding address and had my lawyer deliver the divorce papers.

[QUOTE=J_A_K;3275868]I have 2 or 3 friends that said I can stay with them, so I'm not worried about that. And I don't have any kids. Not sure what it is. Afraid of hurting him I guess. Or afraid I'm being a bad person, I think I did vow something about for better or for worse...Also afraid because I know he can't afford his bills without me, I feel guilty for some reason. Is that dumb?[/QUOTE]

No, that's not dumb. You're human and a good person. But you can't worry about him because he has done ALL of this to himself. He is the bad person and he is treating you VERY BADLY. He isn't affraid of hurting you and blaming you for it. Remember that. So he can't afford the bills, so what? Maybe that means he'll have to get off his lazy butt and take care of himself like an actual adult and not demand you to do it like some spoiled child.

[QUOTE=J_A_K;3275868]And now that I'm trying (at least a little) to stand up for myself, my husband says I've become a worthless b**ch. Just talked to him on the phone, now he's angry at me for liking pasta...how could that possible be my fault or something to induce anger. Ugh. Sorry I got sidetracked.
I need to get some of this inner strength you all have :) I think I'm getting there, you are all helping me realize my life doesn't have to be like this.[/QUOTE]

Now that you are standing up for yourself he is going to try to be more controlling. He senses that he doesn't have you where he wants you so he has to fight to keep you submissive. Does that make sense? Your life does not have to be like this. I was 24 when I married my ex, and 27 when I filed for divorce. When I think of all that time I wasted I get very angry at myself. The only good that came out of it is that I will NEVER accept being treated like that again.

I agree with Nicole, the guilt-trips are what got me. You can't fall for them. Once he has you back in his grip it will start all over again, and most likely be even worse because you betrayed him and he will have to "teach you a lesson".

Keep posting and let us know how your doing. Sometimes just venting to people who can understand and have been where you are helps. :angel:





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