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Relationship Health Message Board

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HI, I think your problem is quite common. However, that doesn't mean it's ok. A little about me, I was married before. I had an ok marriage. But I always felt like I was my husband's mom, I had to nag him. Sure, he helped out here and there, he ever would step up if I wanted to go out with friends or go away for the weekend. He would take over for me. But, I never felt like we were equal partners. He always acted like he was doing me a favour when he did anything, where as its not doing me a favour, it's called being a partner and being a family. It was assumed that he of course still needed his time ith friends, his time out of the house, but whenever I wanted it it was a huge issue, sure eventually I would get my way, but I was always made to feel guilty, like as a women of course I should be more than happy to do it all and stay home all the time. Anyways, I left him. Now here is the funny part, once I left, he all of a sudden was a responsible guy, doing it all, being responsible with the kids, working full time. Pretty much doing every thing he didn't do before. I guess my point is, if they know they will get away with it, they won't do much. Only you can decide how you want to live. I for one coudln't live like that, I was getting far too resentful and far too annoyed with him day in and day out. I also grew up with men who did their share, and all my friends husbands do their share, and are full partners, so that's what I know and expect. Fast forward to now, I'm married again. My husband does it all, and more. He isn't even my kids biological dad, but he does everything that a dad should do. He encourages me to have hobbies, to get out, to go away with friends here and there on girls vacations and he takes over at home. We take turns with everything. It's not even an issue, we just do it.

I guess my advice to you would be think about what you want. How you want to live the next 20 years. Can you live with this? Or is it a deal breaker for you? If it is a deal breaker, than you better have a talk with your husband and let him know that you consider this such a serious issue that you don't know if you can live with it. Only you can decide. I know some women have told me I expected too much out of my ex and that was no reason to leave a marriage. I don't agree though, I felt angry and resentful and taken advantage of almost every day, and I didn't want to live that way. We all know what we want out of a marriage, and for myself, it was a deal breaker. It may not be for you, I know some women are ok doing the majority with housework and kids. I wasn't one of them though.

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