It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I need everyones opinion on this situation.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 14 months.
He was a drug addict since day one.. and I was a topless dancer...
I accepted he had an issue and we could work through it -- but he expected me to turn into a conservative nun overnight..

anyway 14 months later.. 43 days sober.. both of us unemployed.. foreclosed house.. no finances

I thought I would get a job where I'd enjoy working and make easy money.. so I applied at hooters and a few bars..
I knew he expected me to stop doing this type of work because it makes him feel insecure but I've ignored that and figured if I worked at hooters instead of danced topless then its a different story..

I decided not to work at hooters, however, I have a lot of modeling experience and have done a ton of promotions...
And I got a job working for a liqour company making really good money and well partying all night.. so I took it..

I've worked several promotions before and he's always had a problem with it but I figured he wouldn't mind b/c we are living at seperate places and WE NEED ANY MONEY..

anyway.. most of these gigs are in good taste (breast cancer awareness etc.. but the liqour ones we dress in cleavage showing shits)
my point is..

are these jobs out of control? or is he controlling?
I love him so much -- but im not sure who is correct..
does everyone need to give up the "fun" times and certain jobs in order to be in an adult relationship?

Thank You
love him so much -- but im not sure who is correct..
does everyone need to give up the "fun" times and certain jobs in order to be in an adult relationship?

NO, you don't have to give up the fun times and jobs for relationships! That is why finding the right person is so important. I'm married, have kids, and I still have lots of fun! My husband and I talked about all of this in the beginnign though, and I knew we had the same ideas. I go out to bars, I go dancing with friends, go to Vegas for weekends with the girls, and it's all good. It's not every weekend or anything like that, but we trust each other and we both realize we are individuals.

This is why compatilbility is so important, I have dated guys before who wanted me to give up going out without them, going to bars, going away with friends, and them obviously weren't the right people for me. So I guess what you need to think is " is this guy compatible enough for me" Rember, you can't change him or what he thinks, and you also need to think of what you want. Also, no one shoul dbe telling you what you can or cannot do, he isn't your father and he isn't here to parent you, things should be discussed like equals. Also, if when he met you you were a topless dancer, he can't expect you to just completely change just because you are with him. He knew what you did for a living when he met you. That's what's funny I find, is that people think just by entering into a relationship with someone, we can change them.
I think if a man doesn't want what he bargained for, then best to shine him on. You were a stripper when he met you for Pete's sake. He knew he was getting a stripper. He is trying to change who you are. You should never let a man try to do that to you.

As long as you're not sleeping with or macking on other guys as part of your job, if you're kind of like a "Bud girl" or whatever, then I'd say the problem is his, not yours. He needs to focus on staying sober and clean and clean up his own back yard first before he starts trying to "fix" you.

I know you love him, but just because you love someone doesn't mean they are a good fit for you or healthy and good for you to be with. There's more to love than the gushy feeling you feel when he holds you or looks in your eyes. It also has to do with whether there is mutual respect. Does he respect and admire who and what you are, and appreciate all that you are? It doesn't sound like it. You can do better.
He knew what you did when you met him. If your profession of choice was not good enough for him then he should have moved on. So to answer your question, yes, I feel your boyfriend is being controlling here.

I think your best bet would be to find a man who is secure enough to handle what you would like to do. You are providing a service,. A service I'm sure he enjoyed when you met. He can't expect you to change for him, and vice versa. Compatibility is very important when it comes to relationships. It can't always be about love.
Bottom line is that he's insecure and immature and you don't need him telling you how to live your life. Dump him.
You don't need to give up the fun times to be in an adult relationship. But I guess what it comes down to is that he doesn't think that you doing promotions are fun... for him. And he's insecure that your version of fun is getting paid to wear cleavage shirts and have guys looking at you when he's not around. You just don't agree on what's fun. It's basic incompatibility.

He knew what you did when you met. It's not like it's a big surprise. But I think you also knew that he expected you to change (rightly or wrongly). You don't want to change your type of work and he doesn't want to accept it. So, you're sort of back to the basic incompatibility. It seems like a no-win situation. Honestly, like others said, he should concentrate on dealing with his own problems before trying to fix what he views as yours. You're doing a legitimate job ... if he doesn't like it, that's sort of his problem and not yours. Don't change unless YOU want to - for you.

Find someone who likes you as you are.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:45 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!