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Re: Dating.
Nov 17, 2007
Sorry, this is super long.

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3310780]I tihk blocking him would be symbolic for you. [/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3310780] I also know you have to let go at your own pace. [/QUOTE]

You're so right. It will be symbolic, and that will be the end of it, and the start of a new life without him. I'm just not there yet. I can't get myself there. Sometimes, Im so close,but at other times....

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3310780] You say you may want to try again with him. But I think you're forgetting that it's not just your decision. He will have to want to try again with you too, and he never really will, not really, and I think we all know it.[/QUOTE]

I go over it in my head.
Maybe I am trying to sugar coat it, I do not know.
Did he want to give it another go? I think so. He wasn't jumping at the chance, he had reservations- and whilst I understood that and respected it, the arguments, the heated awful arguments made me turn on him.
He had a lot on. Was nervous about going away, probably didnt want to get bogged down with the misery that we had become. I dont blame him. Blah Blah. You know it all.
But how many times did he say, ok lets give it another go. He said that many times. But I was never happy with it because either he was flippant or he said it in an argument. Once or twice, the next day, he would say he forgot he even said it. That put me off him. I kept saying to him, we could give it another go, he would reply, yeah ok, but then it was me who would always drag it out, keep talking and not reach a good conclusion/ decision.
Now I see why he would say "well, i keep giving you want you want, whats the problem?" I remember posting it on here before he left- I was upset on the phone and he got frutsrated and shouted- "Im here, you got what you wanted, whats the problem now?"
Well, why couldnt I have just given him some time? Yeah, after that day we met in the country, he was all over me, we agreed to give it another go...we didnt call eachother for 3 days and that made me mad and I told him to forget it. Was I wrong? Shouljdnt I have just given him some space? Not all my fault, I know. I was just annoyed that we werent meeting up or nothing was progressing. But when people argue and disagree like that, its difficult.
He wanted to see me before he left. He tried to talk to me the day before he left but I was too angry/ emotional because of the argument the night before. I feel like such a b!tch although he was awful the night before to me.
I know, I know, it happened, I should let it go, but I just wish I had gone to see him. Maybe then, things would have been clearer, for me at least, even if it it clear to everyone esle but me?

I know, deep down, I could convince him when he gets back in the new year, to give it anther go.
I know, we could have got bak together so easily, but I didnt want it like that. On these boards, and I told him also, I dont want it to be easy- I want to talk, find solutions, before diving back in, otherwise what would be the point? Maybe I overkilled it?
I wish I had just given him al the time and space he needed before he went away.
As I said, we could have got back together, but I didnt want that. I wanted him to be sure, to want to give things another go, positively, constructively.

Lets say, he does come back and wants to give things another go...even after this post, me wanting him, still loving him- could i go back? could i go back to possibly being hurt again for the third time? Lets suppose he declares his love and wants to be with me for the rest of his life- will that be enough??

I went over that email he sent me. Do you remember it?

I was very tempted to send him a message yesterday. Thankfully, I resisted the urge. No way will I be messaging him.

This is what I am going through right now. These thoughts.
Hope you can help me with them, larry. Youre always such a huge help. You always understand how I am thinking/ feeling and know what to say. Im in limbo.
Maybe I dont need to be in limbo.
Why dont I try to move on? Start seeing the new guy. Enjoy myself.
My friends want to take me out for my birthday. I may be going to paris with the new guy for my birthday. My newspaper page is going really well- received some really good news today.
Ive got so much on, now that I am over my flu, I can resume life (ive been stuck indoors for the 5th day now).
Lets see- lets see if he sends me a message on my birthday. Lets see if he gets in touch when he gets back. Til then, i dont need to be miserable, upset, crying. I can get on with my life. Lets see what happens. If he wants to give things another go, I can see where I am at during new years. I may be out of love by then. I may be in love with the new guy. Or I may be single and not want to see my ex. I may still love my ex. Who knows.
All Im saying, is that maybe I shouldtihnk- life doesnt have to stop, be miserable, I can still move forward with my life, and see where I am in the new year. I could do with a break, trying to find myself again.

I know I am not entirely to blame, but looking back far back into the relationship, a lot of the problems were caused by me being impatient and implusive. Although I didnt jump back into things with him, maybe I didnt go about things in the right way.
Am I to be blamed again?

Update- there are guys who like me, guys i can date. why am I so hesistant? why am i scared to move on? im scared i may fall out of love with my ex....why???? shouldnt i be wanting that to happen?
ive got a clear head. the balls in his court. ibve been over things in my head- if he wants me when he gets back, if he earns me (doubt it, will take too much) then things may develop. if not.....i can move on with new guys and a new life.





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