It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

It would take me years to explain how offensive this entire post is to me. I saw something that I must respond to, however. Simply for her sake.

[I]"I am going thru the same situation. We hardly ever do anything not even cuddle up together.
I bet i had the same ideas are what your talking about too. but I just don't feel that he is thinking of us when it comes to having sex anymore when we do do it. I cry everytime he talks while we are doing it cause he talks and asks me if i would want to watch and I just can't do it so therefore he makes me feel that I am not good enough for him.

I don't even want him to go to explore his sexuality before we get married cause I feel that it will change everything."[/I]

Honey, if you're crying while you're making love, there is something terribly, terribly wrong. If he sees it and doesn't stop making love to you, there is something even more wrong. If he talks to you about making love to other men while making love to you, well, there are few words to express my sadness.

It sounds like he knows exactly what he is doing to you. He says these things to make you feel as though you are not good enough, because he gets off on that. If he continues to make love to you even though you are crying, I would almost promise you he gets off on that. He sounds as though he is a manipulative predator, most likely due to repressed homosexuality or abusive tendencies due to a traumatic event in his childhood, during which he was most likely molested, or even raped.

In my humble opinion, he is abusing you and you should seek help. Get out. Fast. At the very least, look into what makes an abusive relationship abusive, and keep watch for the signs. Seek couples counseling, and possibly even a sex therapist.

What makes you think he is going to stop wanting what he wants after you get married? What makes you think he is going to stop asking you for it? What makes you think the sex is going to get better? What makes you think that you are going to stop crying during sex after you get married? Marriage is NOT a solution to any problem, it in itself is a problem, one that can only be worked through by happy, loving people in a stable relationship. Do not get married unless you are sexually compatible. Right now, you are NOT sexually compatible.

If you do not allow him to explore now, his desire to get what he wants will only grow and manifest itself in different ways. Substance abuse is a very common thing that people turn to. Substance abuse can then turn to different kinds of abuse, verbal and physical abuse towards you. If you do not allow him to explore now, he WILL resent you for it. That resentment will only grow through the years and will most likely end in a divorce, or worse.

What if you do not let him explore, but he does anyway. How would you handle him cheating on you with another man? And knowing that it was partly your fault for not letting him go when you knew you could not be everything that he needed? Like my mother always said, it takes two to tango. If someone's cheating, that means that someone is not happy, and that there is something wrong with the relationship their in. I don't mean to say that one person can fulfill another person's every want and desire, but there should be some room for accomodation of both parties desires.

If you feel that you cannot be happy and successful with him after exploring his desires, and he feels that he cannot be happy with the way things are now, it is time for both of you to move on and find someone who you are truly happy with.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:06 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!