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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I've been hanging around here forever, and I always love the feedback-lots of straight-shooters, myself included. I post this about every 6 months or so. Ive been married 6 years now. We have kids, purchased our first home together, are financially doing the best ever, but I just can't get into this guy anymore, and he is only sporadically into me. We lead separate lives. He works alot, I work and take care of the kids and the house and am happy with all those aspects of my life. The kids are great. My husband has turned into nothing more than a buddy and a roommate. We don't fight and get along well, but I have totally lost my feelings for him. We don't have sex more than once a month. I used to get upset about it and talk about it with him but I just flat out stopped caring. I'm 31,he's 34, we are young and I still have a need for some sort of spark. I honestly feel like if this is it, maybe we should just be roommates or something. I'm so insulted that I dont even want it from him anymore. Sometimes he hits on me, but it never goes beyond that. Whatever. I am still cute:D, I still have a drive, but I feel like my emotions have shut down to avoid being hurt or upset. It's become that easy for me. I just choose not to feel it.

I was with someone for many years before him, and he NEVER lost interest in me. I rejected that relationship becuase it was too chaotic and he couldn't grow up but I miss someone being into me. I was with him for longer than I have been with my current husband and it never died out like this. My husband's father is an emotionless person. His marriage failed because of it. I was always grateful that my husband was so emotional and caring and yes, passionate. Now he's just a buddy. I feel like this marriage is just going on because we cannot get by financially alone, and we raise the kids together great. All the wrong reasons, i know, but seriously, I am stuck, and our household is a good place to be-we do get along in a friendly way. I tried initiating it but forget it. Im insulted and having a conversation wtih him about US is like pulling teeth. He's not talking. Even if we didn't have sex, something other than buddies would be nice.

It's all coming to a head for me, but he of course doesn't realize that this is huge to me, even though i've said it. I feel like i'm missing out. I feel like I want to be in love. I'm still young and have energy and I feel like I am being stifled and tied down. He was so different for the first couple of years. He has changed so much-I wouldn't have married him if her were like this. I married him for the qualities that he has lost-now what is left? So he is a hard worker treats us well, doesn't party, drink, smoke, is a family guy, but I am missing something that is so huge, and it is really eating at me. I almost wish I'd married the first guy and tolerated his partying, and non-working self if it meant I could have someone be in love with me and into me. We still try to get out alone at times, and I just feel like we are going through the motions. I don't doubt that he loves me. I don't think he really isn't in to me, but i do think that he's just done with that whole side of things. It really stinks. Yes, our marriage will not last because of this. I can see myself when the kids are grown just up and saying, ok, bye, i dont want to do this anymore. Let's be friends and leave it at that. I literally SEE that happening. I've seen other women do it. I see other couples like us and it makes me sad. I didn't want it to be like this and I'm very unhappy about it. VERY much so. But my life is good and everything else is great, this is my only burden, but sometimes it feels huge. My marriage is dead, or comatose. I've tried everything. I could respond to posts like this telling others how to deal with this but nothing works for me. I could do everything right and he still stays the same. oh, god, please don't let this be it for me.

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