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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hello all,
I am newly married to a life long friend who was once a partner in early life.
She has been married twice and both of them have ended in divorce.

During her marriages she confided in me about all the problems she was having in those relationships. She told me many times that she was unhappy with her hubby because he was fat and that she had crushed on (was attracted to) other men. She never ever acted like she would cheat or told me she had cheated. She did however catch her hubby in many lies and it ended in divorce.

She went back and forth with him out of divorce and dated around. We were always friends during this time so I knew about her relationships. She was never satisfied with anyone or anything they did. However she would say in the same breath how great they were.

She made several attempts to be with me and I passed before but this time we got together and are now married.

We have our issues as I have had anxiety for years and tend to worry. Some of her behaviors tend to get me worried and we have both been to Psyc docs and had Counseling. They were not sure if she was bipolar or just depressed. She is now taking meds for depression. She would let many things pile up on her and feel tons of guilt over not pleasing people or getting their acceptance.

The meds have helped level her out but our current problems are that I feel that she is too friendly to men and that they could take it the wrong way. She says I don't trust her but I'm a guy I could tell that if she approached me and was as friendly I would think she was interested. She says that i should trust her and what the guy thinks doesn't matter. Her over friendliness and flirty behavior stresses me and hurts my feelings and brings distrust into the relationship.

It seems like there is always a guy that she will seem to want to help or be friendly to usually at work and she tells me about the guy bothering her and then I think, what did u do to cause this problem. She doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. She says that she wont be mean to people and it's just because I'm jealous. My doc says it is not wrong for me to think her behavior is inappropriate.

She does seem to put me on a platform and say that this is the best relationship she has ever had. She also says no matter how many times she tells me and reassures me that I don't believe her but I'm reading her actions not her words. My wife thinks it's just me being a worrier and that I am too sensitive and that she is all fixed up and expects me to go get help. I have been going to counseling more so than here and niether of the docs think I am too sensitive or overly jealous.

I don't think she would ever jeopardize our relationship by cheating and if that were the case I would definitely end it promptly and she knows that.

This has came up many times in arguments, and my psyc doc says it sounds like bpd. She told me that counseling weekly would help. I am reading these forums and don't really see her exact behavior but she does put me on a pedestal and when we fight she tears me down. So I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to tell my wife how this last visit to the doc went without sounding accusatory.

Any thoughts on this would be great and I appreciate it.





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