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LOL! My goodness! Well thanks for the compliments, Gypsy, and while I found your post very amusing, I do hope you aren't so hard on yourself in reality.

I do agree that there is a definite shortage of good men. Someone once asked me a long time ago why I couldn't get over my ex, why I still thought of him after so many years. She said "what did this guy have, a huge you-know-what" except she phrased it another way. People really can't understand why I can't get over him, I've been called "obsessed," "crazy," been told by friends and family to just "get OVER it!!" I was thinking of an example the other day of why it's so hard for me. I was driving a broken down piece of tin when I was dating my ex for the first year and it broke down in front of his house once. I couldn't move it for a week. His roommate, one of the friends who had since told me to just get over it, didn't like having my car in front of his house so long. He took the spare key I left and tried to start it. It wouldn't. On his way back into the house, he dropped my key and it fell through the slats in the wooden porch to the ground underneath. He called me with an "oh well" attitude and told me I'd have to bring my own key and get another copy, that he'd lost my spare. My boyfriend on the other hand, who wasn't even the one who had dropped the key, and who was concerned about me and my car rather than being inconvenieced by my car being outside his house, and who gladly gave me a ride whenever I really needed it, went out on the porch with a coat hanger and spent several minutes fishing my key out from under the porch. I didn't even ask him to. Like I've said, he wasn't perfect by any means, but he had a goodness in him that is rare and very very hard to find. Yes, there are more fish in the sea, there are men everywhere to be had, but not all of them would fish out my key with a coat hanger for me. It just kills that I had that and blew it and lost it. Forgiveness is a big part of letting go and moving on. I haven't figured out how to forgive myself for my mistakes and missteps that cost me a good man, that made the difference between the life I have and the life I could have had.
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3330130]
He took the spare key I left and tried to start it. It wouldn't. On his way back into the house, he dropped my key and it fell through the slats in the wooden porch to the ground underneath. He called me with an "oh well" attitude and told me I'd have to bring my own key and get another copy, that he'd lost my spare. My boyfriend on the other hand, who wasn't even the one who had dropped the key, and who was concerned about me and my car rather than being inconvenieced by my car being outside his house, and who gladly gave me a ride whenever I really needed it, went out on the porch with a coat hanger and spent several minutes fishing my key out from under the porch. I didn't even ask him to. Like I've said, he wasn't perfect by any means, but he had a goodness in him that is rare and very very hard to find. Yes, there are more fish in the sea, there are men everywhere to be had, but not all of them would fish out my key with a coat hanger for me. It just kills that I had that and blew it and lost it. Forgiveness is a big part of letting go and moving on. I haven't figured out how to forgive myself for my mistakes and missteps that cost me a good man, that made the difference between the life I have and the life I could have had.[/QUOTE]

This is the saddest thing I ever read. It is not a rare quality for a person to take a few minutes to fish a key out of a porch. And the fact that this is remembered ten years later and trumps being verbally abusive and according to you, borderline physically abusive, is just unbelievable. The situations you've described many, many times do not paint the picture of a man possessing any special 'goodness', and certainly not more 'goodness' than the average human being.

I know it is hard to have friends and family tell you to get over it and move on, but they are trying to help you. And they are right. It's been too long. Get help with this, you're torturing yourself for no reason.
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3330130] My boyfriend on the other hand, who wasn't even the one who had dropped the key, and who was concerned about me and my car rather than being inconvenieced by my car being outside his house, and who gladly gave me a ride whenever I really needed it, went out on the porch with a coat hanger and spent several minutes fishing my key out from under the porch. I didn't even ask him to. Like I've said, he wasn't perfect by any means, but he had a goodness in him that is rare and very very hard to find.

It just kills that I had that and blew it and lost it. Forgiveness is a big part of letting go and moving on. I haven't figured out how to forgive myself for my mistakes and missteps that cost me a good man, that made the difference between the life I have and the life I could have had.[/QUOTE]


LLM [quote] My boyfriend on the other hand, who wasn't even the one who had dropped the key, and who was concerned about me and my car rather than being inconvenieced by my car being outside his house, and who gladly gave me a ride whenever I really needed it, went out on the porch with a coat hanger and spent several minutes fishing my key out from under the porch. I didn't even ask him to. Like I've said, he wasn't perfect by any means, but he had a goodness in him that is rare and very very hard to find. [/quote]

What have I stated here? ;) It seems to be the hottest thread on the board and I haven't caught up on all the posts yet! ;)

LLM,

But why is this goodness so hard to find?

Round here there are any number of people who would do that, and more. A week ago my motorbike developed a problem and I was over 25 miles from home. A kind lady had invited me in to telephone the roadside rescue services from her house, but it got dark while I waited. The bike actually has two problems, the one that was fixed and also a tendency to wobble at speed, which is taxing my mechanic. I can ride safely by daylight on narrow country lanes with next to no traffic, but by night I can ride into mud and potholes I would avoid if I could see them. I need to follow the white line down the centre of bigger roads, where I have to go faster, but until it is cured the wobble makes that scary.

25 miles in darkness is not something I would normally do, but when the lady suggested I should ring a friend, the nearest friend I could contact came to the rescue. He put my motorbike in the back of his 4x4. There is no direct route to my home so we went back by a roundabout way over the hills, and he telephoned a third friend who drove to my house to help him get the bike out. Then of course both had to go back home again. I have of course let them know exactly how grateful I am, but the point is that around here that sort of kindness and helpfulness is normal! :angel: :angel: :angel:


Yet it wasn’t like that where I lived before, which is one reason that I love this place so much. :angel:

I often have the feeling you are surrounded by fairly unpleasant people. You know more about that than I do, but I don’t see why you have to suffer so much because you think that kindness is so rare. :confused:

You know I hate to make suggestions because you have been pestered to death by people saying you should try this that and the other. I take the point you made before about it being too stressful to weigh every aspect of body language, but this time I wonder about the people in the place where you live. You know what it is that ties you there, such as work, family and housing, but if it were not for that, I wonder how you would fare in a friendlier society? :angel:





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