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Well, that's the thing, he didn't know. I wasn't even doing it until I split up with my ex, because for one thing I was absolutely broke and no longer had my boyfriend's financial support, and for another I can't imagine having the energy to get a full time job. I like being self-employed and having control over my life.

I toyed with the idea of keeping it a secret, but I cannot deceive someone like that. I knew I had to be completely honest and let him decide what he wanted to do about it. I knew it was a blow, but I have to live my life the way I see fit.

[QUOTE]Do you think maybe he's lost control of things lately because he can't handle being with you given what you do for a living?[/QUOTE]

Oh God no! Him screwing up his life had nothing to do with me. By the time I told him what I had decided to get back into, he had already lost his job and car.

I am quickly becoming very ambivalent about this whole situation. I'm seeing that he really isn't stable-relationship material. And for the record, I know I'm not either! I don't expect a guy to come along and be accepting of what I do. I don't need a relationship, I just want to have fun. But I know my friend is developing very deep feelings for me. He keeps talking about what he will do for me in the future, when he gets his life back on track, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

I feel like I am being such a cold, heartless person. But I have this problem where I feel like I'm responsible, or should somehow be responsible, for saving other people. Like, both of my parents are sick (addictions) and have been for a long time...I feel so much guilt, like I should be doing something to help them (even though I don't think I can) and then following that is this really strong resentment that they aren't helping themselves and are inadvertantly making me feel like I should be doing something, and I don't want to have to do anything.

That is almost exactly what is happening with my friend. To me, loving someone feels like walking into a trap. Because I developed serious feelings for him, but now I have to care (or feel that I should care) about his problems, and he has SO MANY problems that they appear insurmountable. We got together and instead of it being sunshine and roses it feels like having to fight a battle.

I do things to help him out, little things, and part of me feels good that I am helping, but then another part feels a burning resentment that he just won't help himself, and why should [I]I[/I] have to help him? I just don't know.

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