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[B]I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship in which i was not in love with the guy. The guy i'm seeing was in a 1 year relationship in which he did not love her. They have quite a history together. He started going out with this girl in college and he cheated on her one night by kissing another girl. Well, it snowballed into them cheating on each other, having sex with other people. Well, the girl he kept going back to to have sex with was this particular ex. His college girl eventually broke it off with him and he ended up with this last ex. I don't know how long after the college girl left him that he went with this ex.

Anyway. They broke up about 2 1/2 months ago or so. He broke up with her because she loved him deeply and he just didn't love her. Well, we started seeing each other a month ago and he let me know that he recently broke up a with a girl of a year. One night I was sleeping over he got a phone call just as he was getting into bed. He looked at his phone and said, and I freaking quote, "Why the hell is she calling?"

Well, I took a look at his cell phone to see what kind of contact they have. He had called her once or twice in the past couple days before. She had txted him. One of the txts said something like, "I guess it would make you feel uncomfortable" that's all there was on his phone (besides some dirty pictures she had sent him, which he later deleted because he had been showing me some pictures on his phone and came across the dirty ones)

Last friday night she was calling him every half hour and finally I said, "wow, maybe you should pick it up, it sounds urgent." And he did. We were walking out of this apartment on our way to my car so we could go back to my house for the night. He was on the phone with her for 20-30 minutes arguing. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but based on what he was saying she kept telling him that she was coming over. All he kept saying was, "I'm not there, I'm not there" At one point she may have said something about breaking in to his place.

This was friday night. We made our relationship official Monday night of this week. I had still been looking on his phone maybe once a day, once every 2 days. Well, Saturday night he stayed over at my house. My parents came back from vacation and got to meet him. He left at around 2:15pm. I saw on his phone that he had called her at exactly 2:19pm. That got me worried. As soon as he leaves my house, after meeting my parents, he calls her? The psycho from the other night?

The night before last I looked at his phone again. I saw that he had called her a couple minutes after he left work that day. We work together and right before he walks out the door he comes and gives me a kiss. So right after he said bye to me and gave me a kiss, he called her. I also saw that later that same night he received a call from her at 7:30pm. There were 2 txt messages from her on his phone from the past 2 days. The first one said, "did you see nip/tuck last night it made me so damn horny" and the other one was, "did you see south park tonight?" (which he didn't because he was out with me). I looked in the sent messages folder and he had not replied to these messages. A mutual friend at work told me that she was in the office with him yesterday and he made some type of noise while looking at his phone. She already knows what's up so she asked him about it. He told her that it was his ex txting him. She told him that he needs to stop talking to her. His response was not significant, he didn't really respond.

Last night I confronted him about his friendship/relationship with his ex that had changed so rapidly over the course of just a few days. I didn't tell him that I had looked on his phone. He told me that they talk sometimes on the phone, she txts him and he doesn't always txt back or answer the phone every time she calls, and that he hasn't seen her in about 2 weeks which was when she came by to pick up some of her stuff. He told me that she had txted him about nip/tuck and south park (which I was so relieved when I heard that he was honest about the txts, just not about the horny part). He told me that he wants to be with me and he broke up with her for a reason. He told me that he doesn't want her to ruin things with us. He told me that she's moving to a southern state in a month or two. I asked him if he would hang out with her if she asked him to, and he said no.

I really don't know what to think. What bothers me most is 1. he called her RIGHT after he saw me, and 2. the one day he seemed to complain that she was calling and a few days later HE'S calling HER and her txts are friendly. I'm wondering what the hell happened? I just wanted to post this to see what other people thought. I don't know if he genuinely likes me or he's replacing HER with ME? He's constantly asking me to come over and spend time with him, during my dinner breaks and after I get off work in the evenings. He's always asking me to spend the night, just so he can sleep next to me. I've never met a guy who wanted to spend so much time together, which made me wonder if he liked ME, or if he just wanted ANYONE to be with him, like he was lonely or something. I discussed this concern of mine with him and he told me that he's genuinely interested in ME and wants to spend lots of time with ME. It just bothers me sooooo much that he's called her twice now in a matter of 3 days right after seeing me.

What do you guys think this means? Should I run as fast as I can? Should I give the guy a chance?[/B]

ADD: Our mutual friend at work told me that a few days after we started dating, he had a conversation with his ex on the phone right in front of our mutual friend. The ex was telling him that she was going over his house to pick up some stuff and was going to go on the computer to check her mail. He told her that that was fine, only what she was going to see on the computer she wasn't going to like. Apparently since I had sent him some pictures of me (innocent ones, face shots only!) he put on as his desktop/wallpaper on his computer. So I believe that he likes me, I'm just not sure about all this other stuff.
I think you should run as fast as you can. This guy is still involved with this other girl or he wouldn't be calling her and vice versa which says to me he is "not" emotionally available to you.

Just my 2 cents,
Sunny
;)[QUOTE=amy2705;3311298]His ex clearly believes that she still plays a role in his life. She believes that she can call when she wants and that he will immediately call her back ... that's why she called every 30 minutes! She was upset that he wasn't calling her back - so you can only assume that he normally does. It was really insensitive that while out with you, he took her call and proceeded to argue with her for 30-40 minutes. I know you told him to answer it, but that's because she wouldn't stop calling! He could have said "I'm with my gf and I'm NOT talking to you right now" ... but he didn't - he could have been spending the time with you, but instead he chose to argue with her. That indicates that he's still emotionally entangled with her. Their "relationship" might be over - but they are not. They are still obviously involved in some drama. You are caught in the cross-fire. He probably is into you - but he's not done with his ex and she is very clearly not done with him. He is not willing to shut it down completely, which means that he isn't really 100% yours or 100% available. He started things with you before he completely ended things with his ex. Sure, they aren't sleeping together or intimate anymore ... but they are still involved emotionally. MONTHS later they are still exchanging stuff and fighting (which involves talking all the time) ... and then add in the "social" stuff -- as if she cares if he watched a TV show. Clearly, neither of them has let go completely. Otherwise, the drama would be done - she wouldn't be calling, he wouldn't be answering. The old cliche "it takes two to tango" applies here. She might be the one calling,etc but he's not shutting it down ... they are both playing a part that keeps things going.[/QUOTE]

I agree with Amy & here is why: It so sounds like me about 4 months ago! July/August to be exact! I broke it off with my bf of 19 years. Well he would want me to hang out one night and on the weekends sometimes, and talk about "future" plans of vacations etc with the kids. Well this mislead me to think we would work things out, which I wanted. So the next day he would be playing the "other" field and I would call to talk & he would not answer. Well I dealt with this quit a few times and then we spent a whole weekend together and talked and had an awesome weekend together and I didn't talk to him on Monday (giving him time to get rid of whatever "hopefully) well he called me and then said he would call me back, never did. I let it go. So the next night I call him and he ignores me. Well I only live 1 block away and to make a long story short he was with the "other girl (one of the other girls) and I called and went the heck off! I told him I would text all his girls and tell them what he has been doing and of course he thought I did (later story after we get back together). Anyhow he calls me back and she is here (I know because I drive by the house/alley) and he tells me he wanted me back because we had a great weekend and I am always on his mind (told me that from day 2 of break up) and he only wanted to tell this other girl respectfully that he wants me back. But see he kept her here to see what I would do. When I said ok and I would be down so we could talk, that's when he told her. I am not dumb!

I always told him he would do rebounding. He after 2 months could sleep with someone and use someone to replace me, however I was not replacable. He will tell you today that yeah he can enjoy the time away (sexually) but he is miserable without me and his family.

He has done this to 2 girls that I know, when I leave him he does it! I am sure the girls go thru their depression over it and I feel bad, but I don't!

So when that phone rings and he calls etc, he is still showing he cares and he wants it to work. I knew my bf if he didn't answer he was with another woman and it made me call even MORE, because he would call me the night before saying he loves me and misses me.

I hope I made sense of a real situation and recent at that;)
[QUOTE=dryNscaly;3311174]Thank u for replying! I forgot to add that he invited me to his high school reunion a week ago and its next weekend. Were staying with his parents the whole weekend. How will I know if we're exclusive? I thought we were already because we made it official?[/QUOTE]

If I may ask, just HOW did you make it official? How official can if be if you dont' know for sure if you're exclusive? I thought "making it official" was sitting down and saying "I really think this could be something special, let's focus on this and agree to be exclusive with each other and see where it goes." And both parties agree. You KNOW you're exclusive when you sit dodwn and have that talk.

I personally would be wary of a guy who paints his ex girlfriend as a psycho can't-let-go bunny boiler, but is still in contact with her. It usually means he still has feelings for her that he's not being honest about, or he hurt her in some really bad way that he didn't take responsibility for. Men tend to paint women as psychos very easily and quickly, and that's not always the case.

If you really really don't like him being in contact with this woman, talk to him about it.
Also, I had asked him WHY he still talks to his ex, and he said, "why not?"

I sent him a text message this morning saying, "I want you to know that me breaking it off had absolutely nothing to do with your ex. I just don't like being lied to."

So when I see him at work, or when I go pick up my stuff from his house tomorrow night, I'm going to tell him that I made the mistake of looking at his phone and seeing that he had called her AS SOON AS he left my house on Sunday. Maybe then I'll find out WHY he called her when he did.
Ummmmm... wow. Okay I didn't read the other responses so sorry if I repeat anything..

But first of all if you're checking his phone this early in the relationship THAT IS A MAJOR FLAG!! get it together girl!! How could you not know this? I have never felt the need to check my mans phone in the 2 years we have been together. and if I did that early in the relationship it would have NEVER even turned into a relationship..

If there were any contact with the ex it would speak VERY loudly to me that A-he is not over her, B-he obviously has more feelings for her than I, or C-I'm a rebound.

Look I know your thinking, "well he tells me this and that" and hes probably convincing. but the truth is- there should be NOOOO contact with the ex if they are completely over. or if they have kids together.

But with all those texts there sending back and fourth or what not you should know that he's just not over the way he should be for trying to be with you..

I wish you luck hun.. :angel:

edit- you ended it. congrats!!
After reading your initial post, I'd say run, run, run. Well, not really run, but I think this type of situation is just going to cause pain and misery for years on end. It reminds me so much of my last boyfriend, who after meeting my current boyfreind, doesn't really seem like like he much of of a real boyfriend now. I'd say meet someone nice, who is focused only on you. :-) I think what he is doing is unfair. I don't think he is treating either one of you with very much respect. I wouldn't stand for it if it were me. I would rather be single and available to meet someone else.





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