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Hi, (sorry this is so long its pretty complex and confusing!!)

I'm wondering if anyone can offer any advice, basically from July-September I was seeing a guy who i'd known for years but only really spoken to occasionally over msn, he had a long term girlfriend for 3 years and I had a couple of relationship stresses and he was always advising me and then when I found a rship I was happy with he seemed really pleased for me, aanyways this year he and hid gf broke up as things had been going downhill, a bit later on he suggested that we meet up and go shopping so we did and then ended up going for a meal and drinks, at the end of the night we ended up kissing, which was weird after all that time but anyways, from then we arranged to meet up and it was like full on intense from then onwards, until a few weeks later when it started to go a bit downhill because he was always tired, would cancel or swap days around last minute because he was so busy etc
After breaking up and then getting back together hours later (how teeny!) a few times, there was a weekend where I didnt hear from him and couldnt get hold of him at all when i finally did i was like right ive had enough of this he was like okay then, then we spoke about it quite a few times and he was like oh its nothing to do with you its just that im not ready for a rship, i was like so im a rebound, im such an idiot why didnt i think of that?? he basically said he wasnt sure but that he genuinely had liked me and thought a lot of me..
then i had a really bad scare and was convinced i was pregnant because we had STUPIDLY slept together a couple of times when very drunk without using any protection and that is not like me at ALL im normally paranoid/obsessive about it!! i took the morning after pill and that made me skip a period so i was pretty worried, he rang me up when i told him and was like why are you worrying? dont be so silly it'll be fine etc. well it was when i realised thankfully that i wasnt pregnant (but how could i be so stupid and careless)

since then i've basically found out he has lied about things.. STUPID things and it's really screwing with my head as to why someone would do that.. like he showed me a photo of his friends and told me their names, then another time i saw the same photo and to 'test' asked what their names were and one of them he said the name right (this guys real name) but gave me another name for the 2nd guy, and i found out that this guy is called something totally different together... WHY lie about that?? another thing is that he lives 200 miles away from me, but his family are from nearer to this area, he told me was going out to a casino with his friend, and told me this friends name.. i said omg my friend has a friend with that name (who is from the area he is originally from!) so i asked if it was him, he said no he isnt from there, thing is i found my exes facebook and altho i couldnt see his profile i could see his friends, and this guy WAS on there, but was shortly deleted.. WHY LIE about that?? i have felt awful snooping around like some sort of stalker or something but i just really want to know the truth and WHY he is lying about such trivial things. he has also always told me he went to grammar school, then private school, but i have found that he actually went to regular high school..

the first time i became suspicious, was also the first time we broke up when i outright confronted him about lying.. he says he is a 2nd team rugby player for a pro team, and he has been telling me this for years even when he was with his gf, since he apparantly signed up in 2005, and talks about it all the time and in great detail, i have SEEN stud marks on his fingers, and i am certain that he does play rugby but i am now even starting to doubt that he plays for this team at all, which scares me because that is a HUGE lie not just a silly one.. i mean he IS rich i know that, he has 2 very expensive cars and lives in a lovely house in a nice area, i have actually been to his and seen it for myself, and even saw a dry cleaning reciept addressed to him at that addy so that cant be a lie, but seriously the lying is REALLY messing with my head.. if someone lies about such trivial things for no reason AND big things then what is the reason for that it makes me really worried that he is hiding something really bad or that he is intentionally trying to hurt me etc.. im very paranoid as i've been lied to and cheated on a lot in the past and find it hard to trust people as it is, im the opposite i find it virtually impossible to lie and im general open and honest about everything in my life so this behaviour worries me because its something i cant understand at all :(
another thing was he copied and pasted a news report from his rugby team which listed him in it, i actually SAW the original article on the website, with someone elses name.. i confonted him, via text stupidly cos i was in work, and he was like why would i lie? i have the original here why shud i have to prove myself to you etc and actually convinced me that i had made a mistake :S

i have looked into compulsive liars etc and wonder if that could be him.. i mean he does like to show off and boast and he does seem to think he is pretty great, he is very good looking and athletic and tall and so i cant see why he would boast, altho sometimes some of the things he has said make him seem very needy and insecure, he has like a loud confident voice when speaking and other times he sounds quite quiet and shy ad affectionate.. its very very confusing..

for over a month now he has been trying to get back together and keeps asking if i want him and saying he wants me and really likes me, that he just wasnt ready last time because he needed to sort himself out and sort things out with his ex etc and he occasionally rings me drunk and waffles on about the same things but more incoherently, ive even asked him things when he has been drunk to try and 'test' him to see if he answers differently.. its awful i HAEHATEHATE being like this but not knowing why he has lied, and what else he has lied about is driving me crazy! he has always seemed REALLY AGAINST people cheating, sleeping around and one night stands, and told me that he had only slept with 4 people, including me, but then i think well what if he is lying about that as well? what if he has some horrible std's and has given them to me thinking that he has been in a long term rship with a nurse and will be okay.. im even wondering if he was in a rship at all.. which would make it a 3 year lie, and i have seen photos of them together, and there were things like little cuddly animals dressed in rugby outift that is obv the type of thing a girl would give you.. but its driving me crazy.. ive asked him questions to see what he tells me and half of the time its been a lie and the other half its been the truth so i just dont know.. sometimes when im speaking to him on the phone and i ask him a question about something im convinced he is lying about he kind of sounds a little more unsure, and other times he sounds 100% convincing that that is what he believes.. you might think that maybe he is just lying to impress me cos of telling me about his new porsche, and his £17,000 a month pay packet (i have actually seen a payslip he showed me when he was doing tax returns and he IS on a high salary) but if he is lying about the rest then WHY carry it on over such a long period of time, and other times he has been pretty weird like telling me about girls hitting on him but him not being interested, and him finding his mates girlfriend really attractive, and being really moody and snappy 'from rugby' im like well thats not very impressive is it?

If i wasnt so worried then id just walk away but me and my paranoid mind are wondering all sorts (and i suffer really badly with anxiety too so this is NOT helping me at ALL!!) im thinking what if he has lied about his rship history and has slept around and got std's and has given one to me, what if he is really gay and trying to hurt me /humiliate me, what if he is some sort of criminal, what if i confront him and he tries to hurt me etc.. basically my mind is thinking of the worst possibly options but im really struggling to find a reason as to why someone would lie about the most weird of things??

I'm really sorry this is so long but it's a really muddled up confusing situation, and i've dealt with people lying before but not to this extent! normally just to cover up their own actions and mistakes and protect themselves!! does anyone know anything about or have any experience with liars- does this sound like a compulsive liar or what and if so why would he do this and how should i handle it? is there any way that i can find the truth out? it's making me miserable and confused, there is an arrogant/boastful side to him which is pretty annoying and just seems fake and shallow but he seems to think im going to be impressed, but there is also a really nice and funny side to him as well and he could be really sweet to me and always seemed genuinely bothered if he had upset me and would ring me to apologise and if he heard i was trying not to cry he'd be like heyhey come on please dont get upset, and then text me more afterwards to apologise.. ARGH i am SO CONFUSED!!
I havet even spoken to my friends about it, which is not like me cos im normally so open, but i just do not know where to begin and who will understand and support me the most, they all have their own problems with guys too!! :(

if you made it this far, even if u scan read and got the general gist then thanks! any advice is welcome,

Laura :confused:





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