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[QUOTE=StenoLady1;3322530] Let her know you'd appreciate it if she stopped hounding your husband. Suggest she go to her own husband for attention -- yours is busy.[/QUOTE]

LOL; this is exactly what you ought to post on that board OP, ha ha!

She sounds to me like one of those saddos who is still entertaining fantasies about her high school sweetheart and simply cant let go of the past. You ought to give her a helping hand by prizing her fingers off it for her with a comment like StenonLady's above, lol. And as for not wanting to be rude, you should forget that. I'd take pleasure in being rude in a situation like this!
I'm sorry, someone contacting an ex about a reunion or old pictures every few years doesn't sound relentless to me. It's almost as if she is afraid her husband may eventually bite the lure (even if it is one)? I know plenty of people that are very into the high school years and get into the whole reunion thing and past memories, this woman my be one of those. I see no reason for cattiness or rude comments, just ignore the occasional invite and move on. If the husband doesn't care, then why should she? What's the big deal?
[QUOTE=desertdweller;3328076]I'm sorry, someone contacting an ex about a reunion or old pictures every few years doesn't sound relentless to me. It's almost as if she is afraid her husband may eventually bite the lure (even if it is one)? I know plenty of people that are very into the high school years and get into the whole reunion thing and past memories, this woman my be one of those. I see no reason for cattiness or rude comments, just ignore the occasional invite and move on. If the husband doesn't care, then why should she? What's the big deal?[/QUOTE]

Again, I agree 100%. And given the fact that they have NOT REPLIED to any of the invites, of COURSE she will continue to try to get ahold of him. He really needs to simply reply and say not interested.

I can say first hand that being 40, I have recently wanted to catch up with a lot friends from years gone by......mostly my military buddies, but there are a few women as well. If I didn't get a reply (aka ignored), I wouldn't simply give up, I'd think maybe they never got to them and I'd try again! Does that mean I'm stalking and trying to constantly stir things up? NO! If I received even ONE reply stating they are not interested, I'd be done.

But, what if your husband did want to become friends with her again? I would be willing to bet you'd have a MAJOR problem with that wouldn't you? I'm sorry for stereotyping, but I've had girlfriends that were just like what you posted....very jealous and would NEVER let me be good friends with a former girlfriend even though there is nothing wrong with that.

Skarn
don't think it is fair that Wishgirl has come on here complaining of putting up with this over the span of eighteen years () only to be admonished for being "jealous". I think she has a very valid concern, and personally I think she has the patience of a saint.

How does the OP even know about all this, if it's going to her husband, why it it really her concern? I don't know, I just think either way, no reason to get this worked up about it. Honestly, if some girl was emailing my husband from the past and bugging him, I doubt I would be this involved in it, he would probably just email her back and say no thanks, or he would talk to her casually about the reunion or whatever, but I wouldn't be worked up about it and odds are he wouldn't really mention it to me since why would I care if he talks to or doesn't talk to a girl from his past?. Why is she so involved in this? If this girl really is stalking her husband and wants him back, again, why does it matter, that's the other girls waste of time, after all, it is just internet contact, not like this person is showing up at her house waiting outside to speak with him. I just don't get why this is such an issue, she has her husband, they are married and I presume happy, so have some faith. A nd if the husband doesn't want this contact, it's up to him to say so and block her email address if neccessary, it really has nothing to do with the OP. I would be really curious to know why the husband hasn't blocked her if it bothers him that much, maybe he somewhat does want the contact but is too scared to tell her? it just seems strange to me. I would be really curiuos to know from the husband why he hasn't just dealt with this either through email or by blocking her.
[QUOTE=jennie250;3329939]I would be really curiuos to know from the husband why he hasn't just dealt with this either through email or by blocking her.[/QUOTE]

Very good point jennie250. That would have been the first thing I would want my husband to answer if I were the OP.

I still don't think that she is the "jealous wife" she is being made out to be. I would be pretty damn annoyed if some ex from my husband's past (that he has shot down and ignored since) kept on pursuing him with pictures and handwritten notes. I would also have asked him very kindly to take care of it so it was no longer an issue. If he did handle it and she still persisted I would take the matter into my own hands, but that's just me.
[QUOTE=Skarn;3329919] As Jennie said, maybe it would all stop if he simply replied and told her not interested, please stop contacting me! [/QUOTE]

Well, there's no point arguing this on and on and I'm sorry if I am coming off as argumentative, but it is honestly annoying me that this woman is putting up with such obvious crap and is being told here that it's all in her head. Her husband [I]DID[/I] tell this blast from the past that he wasn't interested in receiving photos from her, and he told her that [I]ten long years ago[/I], and she [I]IS STILL[/I] persisting in attempting to give them to him. ([I]Not[/I] to post them to him mind; the mail service isn't viable all of a sudden for the first time in eighteen years :rolleyes:)

And no Skarn, of course neither you nor I have [I]all[/I] the facts. I don't have any more facts than anyone else reading Wishgirls posts, but going on the facts we have been given the situation is pretty clear to me.

And Jennie; you've repeated a couple of times questions along the lines of: "What's it got to do with her"? and "Why's she so involved in this" - because it concerns her husband of near twenty years, that's why.

Fair enough, we don't all agree; but I have to say it speaks volumes to me that nobody in the 'innocent highschool friend' camp attempted to answer my question as to why they think this woman, if it's all so innocent, is so intent on finding another way to give him what she could much more easily just pop in the mail?

Would I be right in thinking nobody can find another logical explanation for that?
People can think I'm a B or whatever...I don't care but any EX gf picture that's ever in MY HOUSE is going through the shredder!!!!!

Wow, I'm just in shock at how harsh some of you are. I mean your husbands life didn't count before he met you? I just can't imagine someone actually thinking that it's ok to ask someone to get rid of pictures from their past, or actually not even to ask, but just to it. My life mattered before I was with my husband, so did his, we both have pictures of our past lives, girlfriends, whatever, and if he ever asked me to shred them we would have a serious problem.
[QUOTE=jennie250;3333597]People can think I'm a B or whatever...I don't care but any EX gf picture that's ever in MY HOUSE is going through the shredder!!!!!

Wow, I'm just in shock at how harsh some of you are. I mean your husbands life didn't count before he met you? I just can't imagine someone actually thinking that it's ok to ask someone to get rid of pictures from their past, or actually not even to ask, but just to it. My life mattered before I was with my husband, so did his, we both have pictures of our past lives, girlfriends, whatever, and if he ever asked me to shred them we would have a serious problem.[/QUOTE]

Wow, I agree Jennie and Rose!

Let me ask you ladies this; Is it ok with you if your husbands not only got letters from ex-girlfriends but still remained FRIENDS?

Wow, there are some very insecure people out there. I am engaged and am still friends with my ex-wife and two ex-girlfriends. My fiancee whom I've been with for over 3 years now has no problem with that. I nor they, have any intention on EVER hooking back up again, but they were a part of my life. Why should I cut off all friendship simply because I have a new S/O?

Wishgirl, I wish you the best and hope you can get past this without too much more aggrivation. Maybe you are 100% correct about the intentions of your husbands ex, but you have definitely made up your mind on her intentions without any true proof. I also don't understand why YOU have to be the one to contact anyone about this. Why are you resisting having your husband simply contact her and tell her to stop contacting him forever. If this truly bothers you so much...and it apparantly does, he should have NO problem doing this for you yes? This entire thing could be ended with one phone call or email yes?

Good luck,
Skarn
[QUOTE=Skarn;3333630] Let me ask you ladies this; Is it ok with you if your husbands not only got letters from ex-girlfriends but still remained FRIENDS? [/QUOTE]

It would have been alright with me at one point Skarn, and it actually was alright as far as I was concerned; that situation remained until the night they fell into bed together pissed out of their heads on alcohol, so no, thesedays I dont entertain ex's sniffing round - I've learned better and I've learned it the hard day.

[QUOTE=Skarn;3333630]Wow, there are some very insecure people out there. [/QUOTE]

This is the standard and usual mantra I hear from lots of people when I explain that I no longer tolerate ex girlfriends contacting my partner. If they'd gone through the same experience I did they'd reevaluate their ideas pretty fast, let me assure you.

[QUOTE=Skarn;3333630]I am engaged and am still friends with my ex-wife and two ex-girlfriends. My fiancee whom I've been with for over 3 years now has no problem with that.[/QUOTE]

Your fiancee sounds like a woman in the same mindset I was in before I was abruptly forced to change my ideas. That's fine for her and I'm glad that actually works for some people. It didn't work for me and that was no fault of mine. Believe me, I'd have gladly and happily stayed in that mindset; the last thing I wanted was to be so violently snapped out of it!

[QUOTE=Skarn;3333630]Maybe you are 100% correct about the intentions of your husbands ex, but you have definitely made up your mind on her intentions without any true proof. [/QUOTE]

As far as I can see she definatly has nearly two decades of "true proof", though I know you do not agree with this. My question to you is; what would you regard as true proof? Does Wishgirl have to open her letter box one morning and have naked photos of this woman drop onto her welcome mat before you'd acknowledge that she may have inappropriate intentions? Do you not acknowledge that when a person does have inappropriate intentions they usually go some lengths towards concealing them?

[QUOTE=Skarn;3333630]I also don't understand why YOU have to be the one to contact anyone about this. Why are you resisting having your husband simply contact her and tell her to stop contacting him forever. If this truly bothers you so much...and it apparantly does, he should have NO problem doing this for you yes? This entire thing could be ended with one phone call or email yes?[/QUOTE]

Well this is one point we can agree on; I do agree that Wishgirls husband ought to be willing to do this for her, but perhaps she is not about to ask him to do so as he may also be a member of the 'insecurity' brigade. :rolleyes:

As far as old photos are concerned; I have a few photos of myself with my ex-fiancee. He was a part of my life for five and a half years, we had some good times and he was a good man and I wouldn't be prepared to dispose of them for my current partner or anyone else. My bf also has a couple of photos of his most recent ex (not the one he fell into bed with) and he is entitled to mementos of his past also and it wouldn't occur to me to ask him to get rid of them; but these two incidences involve photos that we both still had ourselves and are worlds away from a situation where either of our ex's had been trying to post photos of old times to us in the here and now. That would be entirely different and would be something I would NOT tolerate.
[QUOTE=jennie250;3333597] I just can't imagine someone actually thinking that it's ok to ask someone to get rid of pictures from their past, or actually not even to ask, but just to it. My life mattered before I was with my husband, so did his, we both have pictures of our past lives, girlfriends, whatever, and if he ever asked me to shred them we would have a serious problem. [/QUOTE]

I also have photos of my ex Jennie, like I said in my last post. I think most people do.

I also think you're getting a bit confused about the facts here: The OP never got rid of any photos. There never were any photos in her home because her husband refused them ten years ago.
Let me ask you ladies this; Is it ok with you if your husbands not only got letters from ex-girlfriends but still remained FRIENDS?


Yes, it absolutely is. I'm freinds with a few ex boyfriends, mind you only the ones that were nice guys and that I felt a friendship with. My partner is still friendly with his ex wife. I also have men friends I hang out with, go see bands with here and there, no big deal. I know I would never cheat on my guy. He is too wonderful. I'm not stupid, I know some people cheat and will get up to no good, I have been cheated on before by others. But I don't think that's not a reason to be insecure or to take that out on my present relationship. I know it's hard to let go of past hurts and to trust, but it's worth it, and really, what other choices is there, always wondering and worrying about things that may or may never happen?
[QUOTE=jennie250;3333769]Let me ask you ladies this; Is it ok with you if your husbands not only got letters from ex-girlfriends but still remained FRIENDS?


Yes, it absolutely is. I'm freinds with a few ex boyfriends, mind you only the ones that were nice guys and that I felt a friendship with. My partner is still friendly with his ex wife. I also have men friends I hang out with, go see bands with here and there, no big deal. I know I would never cheat on my guy. He is too wonderful. I'm not stupid, I know some people cheat and will get up to no good, I have been cheated on before by others. But I don't think that's not a reason to be insecure or to take that out on my present relationship. I know it's hard to let go of past hurts and to trust, but it's worth it, and really, what other choices is there, always wondering and worrying about things that may or may never happen?[/QUOTE]

I wasn't living worried something is going to happen. I want to take the power to irrtate away from my husband's long ago insigificant ex.

If I tried to be friends with an ex, they'd hit on me period. No exceptions. There's no way I could be friends with them. My husband hit on me while we were broke up when I tried to remain freinds with him. lol And look what happened, we got back together!

Life just doesn't work that way. And Layla, I'm still working on getting everything fixed but it's happening!
[QUOTE=wishgirl;3333947] And Layla, I'm still working on getting everyhing fixed, but it's happening![/QUOTE]

I'm glad to hear it Wishgirl, make sure you let us know when the day arrives; I'll open a bottle of wine and drink a toast to the relevance of current relationships and the insignificance of those long past!
Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with remaining freinds with an ex - as long as that freindship is mutual, a two way street, where you are BOTH happy to keep it as freinds, and there isn't any other motives.

BUT, the difference I see in this post is that wishgirl's husband isn't actually involved with any ex girlfriend 'freindship', she is the only one pursuing him it would seem.

Why should he email her to tell her to go away? he clearly told her at a family funeral that he didn't want any photos from the past. Any normal rational woman would of quite frankly got the hint then, and him ignoring her emails should of reinforced his lack of interest in getting back in contact.

I think the best thing you can do wishgirl is to contact her yourself, and quite clearly tell the woman to get on her bike and get over the past.

BTW your not jealous, you have nothing to be jealous of, I think you are just quite rightly spooked by this strange woman.:(





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