It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Ok, so I've been hesitant to post on here because I'm worried that posting will actually make things worse for me. I'm afraid it will exaggerate things even more for me, therefore, making it hurt worse. But, I'm hoping to get some great advice from some of you. So, here's the story...

I've been with my boyfriend only 5 months. I'm 24 and he just turned 27. Things moved VERY quickly for us, as in we fell in love within a few weeks, and to us, months seem and feel like years. We have a great relationship. We love each other very much, we get along great, etc. About 2 months into the relationship I moved to the same apt complex as my bf. My apartment is directly behind his, so, I'm pretty much never there. I have a roommate, and he doesn't. So, although not officially, I guess you could say he and I live together. I know that seems very fast for most people, and I know a lot of you may say that is the problem.'s the issue. In the beginning, we would have sex pretty much every day. But in about the past 2 months, things have gone downhill (already!?!). First we went a few days without sex, then a few more, and so on. It just gradually started getting less and less. Well, being a woman, my feelings were immediately hurt. Not only did I feel rejected and unwanted by my bf, but I missed the sex too! I finally got up the courage to talk to him about it, and he explained to me that work was stressing him out and he was tired. He apologized and said we would work on it. Nothing happened or improved.

A few weeks later, I talked to him about it again. By this time he had started a new, much less stressful job. So that "reason" as to why we didn't have sex often was out the window. Once again, I got the whole "we'll work on it" thing. Anyway, by this point I was extremely frustrated about our sex life and feeling like crap about myself. I would sometimes go to bed hoping for sex, and then nothing would happen and I would cry myself to sleep or lay in bed pissed off before falling to sleep.

Fast forward to last week...we hadn't had sex in nearly 3 weeks. He was out of town, then sick for a week, then I had my period..sooo...makes sense. But after all that was over, we had sex ONCE, then not again for another week. It finally got to the point that I was considering leaving him. Not permanently, but considering staying at my apartment A LOT more often and giving us some space. But once again, I decided I would talk to him about it first. This time, more stuff came out.

Here are his reasons as to why we don't have sex more often:

1) He's tired and by the time we go to bed, I just wanna go to sleep. (He has told me that there's been several times he's wanted sex in the morning, but he doesn't wanna wake me up, so he just lets me sleep)
My answer to that: we never have sex in the day or anything. It's always at night before bed. And, why don't we go to bed earlier then. And, why do we sometimes go to bed but watch tv or whatever for an hour or so before going to sleep?? So to me, that's just an excuse.

2) I never come onto him, so he doesn't know when I want it. My answer: I'm not an assertive personality, and I do feel I give him hints. Such as rubbing on him, etc.I kinda try to read his signals, such as if he moves away or closes his eyes to go to sleep, I stop with the "hints". I have never denied him sex, so I figure if he wants it, he'll come and get it.

3) I don't like him seeing me naked. A personal issue I have. His ex gf was anorexic and although he told me she was grossly skinny, it makes me self conscious about my not totally perfect body. He told me it turns him on to see me naked, and because I always cover up, he said it turns him off and makes him feel bad. I told him I would work on that, and I have been.

4) He said he worries about whether or not he's good enough for me in bed, and how he compares himself to other guys. I have always been completely open about my past experiences, and he knows that most of them have been nothing special. I have always honestly praised his "skills" and told him how much I love sex with him (which is true).

When we do have sex, we both enjoy it very much. And he told me that he is very attracted to me (which I believe because he does call me beautiful and will even comment on things like my legs, etc. I don't consider myself ugly either, so I don't think that's the issue).

Anyway, he promised we would work on this issue, and I told him I would work on letting him see me naked more often. Well, that was nearly a week ago, and we have had sex once since then. I am so hurt and frustrated that I don't know what to do anymore. I love him with everything inside of me, and I hope to possibly marry this man some day. But I cannot be with/marry someone who I can't have a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship with.

So my question is, what do I do? What could be the problem? Is he just not a sexual guy? I know his past 2 long term was a virgin so they never had sex, and the other didn't enjoy sex, so they didn't have it often at all. Has he just become used to this or what? I know he's not cheating on me, so that's not it. He's not addicted to porn, nor does he masturbate all that much (that I know of).

Any input would be great. I'm on the verge of considering leaving a man I love very much over an issue that shouldn't be that important...but it is...:confused:

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:49 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!