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[QUOTE=undecidedone;3329344]I have been married for 10 years going on eleven but I never got over my ex.

I met my husband soon after I broke it off with my ex and started in a serious relationship with hubby. I fell pregnant soon and we decided to get married. My hubby was a great boyfriend but the whole relationship changed after we got married. He always mentioned that when we are married things would change. Having everything happened so fast, I did not really catch on to what he was saying at the time. We were quite young (me 19)then and after my ordeal i went thru with my ex my hubby seemed like the perfect replacement.

It became apparent after our wedding that hubby meant what he was saying.. Things changed drastically.. It was clear it was his intention to get me pregnant and married. He started treating me like a prisoner. I found this strange becoz i wasn't even allowed to see my friends which he knew and went out with before we got married. I thought that this is what marriage was all about and kept quiet.

It has been a few years now that I have come to the conclusion that I don't love him (hubby) anymore (or so I think)!: I have seen my ex a couple of times but have not spoken to him.. (A little history) I broke it off with him without telling him (I just disappeared) and all this because of some misunderstanding... Now, after 10 years i ran into my ex again and decided to talk to him. I could not believe what I heard.. He still loves me and he couldn't understand why i left him....

I have to confess, there was not a day that went by that i did not think of him.. I know is still love him...
I am so confused. There are times when hubby can be great but he has hurt me so much in the past that i just cant seem to see pass any of it... He always professes how much he loves me but i dont feel the same. Hubby has a well paid job and we have everything we want but i am not a material girl. I just want to be happy.

Should i stay in this loveless (at least from my side) marriage and continue life with a husband i don't care about or should i leave and try life on my own.. Even if its without my ex.... I am so confused..... PLEASE HELP![/QUOTE]

Except for the difference in age, length of marriage, and health issues, I'm in a very similar situation. I knew when I met my husband 30 years ago that he was a very controling guy, but I was stong, independent & we both had careers & similar interests that kept us happy for the lst 15 years. Then I became ill, and he had job difficulties, and the "control monster" appeared. Fortunately he went into counseling which gave us another 10 years of being able to live together; although by then I was losing the respect & love I once felt.
If my illness would've allowed me to leave, I would've gone in a heartbeat, but I waited too long. Now in my 60's, he's become much worse and I'm disabled so dependent on him. I literally hate it. He's still in counseling, which I'm wondering if you've tried, but he's a great talker and doesn't like changes; thinking what he says is "right".

Guess if I were in your position, I would fly like a kite. Never know when you won't have the ability to, and get stuck in a box like I presently am. But I'm starting to look for ways to become independent with helpers, as I will not allow a man to kill my spirit.

You feel like you're ready to be "happy"!!

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