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I don't know if there is enough room on here for all of this but i need the best advice possible. ok so here we go. I met this girl 2.75 years ago she already had a child with someone else, not a problem with me. So we started dating and I noticed that she like to drink a lot still not a problem as i was getting to know her. I thought there was something wrong with her turns out there is. With me too not just her. I"m not sure exactly how to put this but the child was not consentual. Her boyfriend was abusive on top of it all and it his child too. So after a while of dating i come to find she likes to hurt herself if you know what i mean. I told her i couldn't handle it and every time i tried to leave she would threaten about giving it all up if you know what i mean. Now i have a big heart and stuck it out through many nights of her hurting herself and drinking and being takin to the hospital for taking to many things and drinking too much i should have left but i didn't i was in love and felt it wasn't right to leave. Now maybe it was a mistake but one day i had enough and told her if she didn't stop i was leaving so i guess her love was strong enough for me that she stopped everything and slowed the drinking. She asked me to promise that i would never do a certain drug, one night i was really drunk and out with buddies and i tried it. Well when she found i thought that was it and she has held this over my head for the entire relationship and still does I wore the dog collar for about six months and then that's it i can't do it anymore either learn forgiveness or we're through. We were always on and off and fighting in front of the child. We broke up this one and not even 4 hrs later while she was drunk she forgot about me when she went to see her friend. I know technically she didn't cheat on me, but it felt like she did cuz it was only very shortly after we split. Well the fighting slowed down but then other stuff started she wanted to have a child. For three months i was saying no and she would say well then i'm going to find someone else who does. I told her she had to change then i would. so she changed and we talked and we had child together. Now my job took me away from home 5 days a week this i know made it even harder for us. I wasn't ready to give up my job as i was the only working and we needed every penny i made to have the things we have. i took care of her and her child cuz i wanted to i never felt obligated in anyway shape or form. In Nov last year i became laid off and i told her she had to get a job and help me out EI doesn't cover the bills. Her reason for not getting a job was she scared to see her ex. Well i got angry so then when we near hit rock bottom i took out a loan to pay down the bills. So my credit is now screwed because of this loan. While she was pregnant things were good everyone paid attention to her, after the baby was born she returned to being depressed baby blues or not center of attention i don't know. i'm sure its a combination of both. So then when we were split up i went a site to meet new people and never unsubscribed i gave her my email password knowing in my heart i had nothing to hide i never once looked at an of the emails, there is always this email i get saying join my web cam and my friends and i will put on a show for you. Now technically i never joined as i never gave my credit card out. As for these other emails that once every two months i can't control them they are random i block the user everytime and it just keeps changing names so they still come in. So we split up cuz she thought i was cheating on her i understand why she thought that so i offered my bank acct and credit card for her to check out it's the only proof i have to prove my innocence and she didn't bother maybe cuz she was scared or maybe she was just sick of our relationship i don't know. So i have been celebate for 2 weeks and she went and met somebody did the deed and now she's saying that she still loves me and wants to be me. Now she thinks she's pregnant and that she's not sure if it's mine to this other guys' so at first i was livid i couldn't believe she did this to me again after she said wouldn't and then to tell me were going to fix our family and that there is another addition from someone else. After i calmed down i told that i would help her anyway i could because i loved her and i still do i am working so hard on this and not seeing any effort on her part. I feel like a live in babysitter/security net for her. I am starting to not even want to work this out with her but she still keeps me right here waiting. all she wants to do is stay in bed and hang out with her friends and not with me so i am at my wits end but now she hung out with me on Tuesday and a bit today. She tells me that at home we can cuddle and we have done it a few times but she doesn't want to kiss, or hold hands in public at all only at home. She wanted me to rub her feet the other night and i said if you rub my back her offer was sex instead. Now i am trying to do what i can to show her that i love her want to be with her all the time and she won't talk to me. Last night she had a nightmare i asked her what it was about she wouldn't talk just wanted me to hold her so i did. I don't know what else to do we can hang out with her friends but not any of mine. I really feel she's using but when i bring it up to her she says no i just want to have some space, so maybe i am pressuring her i don't know. All i know is that i want my family back and i am getting tired of doing all the work and seeing nothing in return. I changed my attitude (still working on it). Quit my job, and told her i wasn't putting in any more effort until i she did and this is where i am now
please feel free to ask any questions about any part of our relationship i have no trouble admitting to my mistakes. She just keeps saying she needs time but i am not waiting around for months i can't take it anymore.
i'm desperate and hurting please help me anyway. There is more about our newest break up like she threatened to give the kids up for adoption and what not. she doesn't feel that way now that she's had some time to herself but there is still not really head way on her part.

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