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This is going to be really long but I appreciate anyone who can read it and give me advice, I really need it and I don't know who to go to.


Ok so...I don't know where to start or who to go to for this. I feel like i cant go to my friends or family right now because they will all hate me and not understand. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. We started dating when we were 18. We have been through A LOT in those years. We have been 100% honest with each other - even about who we think is hot...and we give each other full reign to go out and flirt. He is a pilot so he is gone a lot. After the first 3 years, he started traveling a lot. I followed him to MI from FL and then we went back to FL, and then I followed him to GA. This move to GA happened about 3-4 months ago. We moved here because he got a job and his base was here. I didn't want to and fought against it for a long time. Finally, I gave in.
We moved here and i got an awesome job that i really enjoy...then about a month into being here he got a job BACK in FL. So....he went there for training and made several attempts to see if I would move back there. I said no but we were still going to work it out with him commuting back and forth.
I hope this isnt too confusing.
So, at my job here in GA I am an assistant for this guy. We get along really well and I started developing feelings for him. Believe it or not, I told my bf right away. It didn't go over that well but we are so honest with each other that we kinda moved past it. My bf is gone all week and comes home on weekends. I am new to this city, and i dont have many friends here. So, I end up hanging out a lot with this guy I assist ( we will call him Bob). I kept telling myself to stop hanging out with him but I just really enjoyed his company. Everytime i hung with him, I told my bf, so he knew. I felt like since i was being honest and he knew everything that it was ok. I still felt guilty though and to be honest I was mad at him for moving me to GA and then getting a job back in FL (its a way better job though so I understand).
Well, after hanging out with Bob for so long, I was hoping my feelings would fade but they just got stronger. I tried to push them out but I just couldnt. I loved hanging out with him. On the other hand, I still really loved my boyfriend. I was having a bit of a meltdown though cause we had been together for so long and that "spark" was gone. He is the only person ive really "been" with...as in slept with. I am 24 yrs old and I am wondering ...I have never been really alone before..and a lot of people need that time in their 20s to grow and find out who they are. I dont feel that I have and that I am a bit immature for that ( I can admit it). I have gotten selfish i gues because i feel i have spent my whole life trying to please others whether it be my parents or my bf. I have a problem with not being "perfect" enough and felt like I was always being judged by someone. On a side note as well, my bf and i have experimented with i guess you can say threesomes... prob not the best idea but we worked through it very well.
So...back to the present....last night i was in Bob's car and had a breakdown and started crying. just kinda telling him all of this crap. I went to give him a hug goodbye and we ended up kissing.
I felt horrible. I do like this guy, but he is nothing compared to my amazing boyfriend. I have NEVER cheated on him and he has never cheated on me. I guess i just missed that "spark" and was freaking out that I would never have that feeling again. My boyfriend knew there was something up becuase i was not answering his calls...and he kept calling over and over. FInally, I left Bob and I called the bf and told him right away what happened.
Obviously, he was not happy. He said all of the mean things he should have said to me. I was hoping we could still work it out but he says as of right now he can never forgive me and he doesnt want to work it out. I was honest and I told him why I did it but that I knew it doesnt make it ok. He wants to move out...hes in FL now and he said he'll come up aft training in Dec and get all his stuff. I begged for forgiveness and I told him i knew I messed up but that I cant imagine my life without him and I would do anything to work it out. It make me a bit upset that he isnt even willing to try to make it work but I also understand I crushed the trust that we had.
He keeps getting online to talk and texts me...so it seems as if maybe there is a slight hope there, but I am not sure.
I do not know what to do now. I did not go to work today in order to avoid the drama with Bob and sort my head out. Bob knows that I told the bf what happened and he says he hopes we work it out (who knows if he means it). I LOVE this job though....so I mean I really messed up. I dont know if I should stay with the job (having to see and work with bob very closely everyday) and just see what happens with the bf.....or if I should put in my two weeks on monday hoping that it will be a step towards by bf's forgiveness. I think I would be able to work there still without it being too awkward, but if i can get the bf to say he wants to work it out then i know i should probably quit. Then again, what if I quit on monday and the bf never ever forgives me and I am out of a job that I love.
My family and friends love this guy so i understand i really really really messed this up big time. I should have stepped away from bob but it was hard when i was forced to work with him 8-9 hrs everyday and we were such good friends. I dont even know what to tell my family or if I even should go into detail about what happened. No one wants to be labeled as the "*****". I never wanted this but I did it and I can not take it back now. I wish I could. I know things happen for a reason but I feel like I made this one happen.
We had been drifting for the past few years anyway...but I feel like we could have made it work.
He is not even willing to make it work. He is so mad at me right now. I can't picture my life without him. I do not know what to do. Maybe we starting dating too young but I loved him with everything i had. Any advice would be very much appreciated...with the job, and the boyfriend and everything.
Thank you in advance and thank you to those who sat through this.
You guys have been great. Thank you for the support. I wake up each morning feeling like I am going to throw up. The bf is at the stage right now where he is really mad....he says he still loves me but I ruined him...he called me crying last night. He wants to know each and every detail of what happened. Everyone told me not to give him that....but I did. He is in FL right now for training....i wanted to fly down there yesterday but did not because he said not to and I thought it may be too soon with him being so upset. I woke up this morning thinking I should fly down there....but i just do not know. As of now, he does not want to work it out. He wants to get all of his stuff and move out and back to FL. We had such a clossseee relationship and i love him so much that I just feel like I am the biggest piece of crap and I have ruined the rest of my life. He had no problems telling me that. He has already told the only close friend I have in this city - my friend of 8 years - and the horrible thing is his girlfriend did the same thing to him with someone she worked with. So now he hates me too. He told his Dad. He wants to get Bob fired.... I told him not to take this out on Bob but he is so hurt right now that he is. Should I fly down there today to try to sort things out? If so, I will only be there for the night and have to fly back tomorrow. Then I have work on Monday. I can't just not show up to work. That is one of the hardest parts of this whole thing.
Yesterday I was thinking I wanted time to be single and do my own thing, but each time I talk to my boyfriend, I change my mind and I just want to work it out. What we had was so special and I just dont know what to do. I am trying not to hate myself too much..... but I really really do. And he is making me feel worse. And now my only friend in this city is mad at me as well.
Life is just .... it just hurts so much sometimes. My heart feels like its going to fall out of my chest.





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