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Relationship Health Message Board

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Sorry to hear you are going through this. I am also sorry for your husband and your children. It is a dark time.

Sometimes people become disillusioned in marriage and also sometimes the feelings of depression, time flying by, and all that can turn a spouce away from the family (this happened to me this last year) It's possible this affair - even if it was only an emotional affair - happened because your husband is depressed or going through some growing pains and needs to work that out.

Also, if he has stopped the affair, he will still have feelings for the woman. It takes time. I'm sure he still has feeling for you too, you are the mother of his children.

I listen to Dr. Laura a lot. She helps me get through the day sometims. There are callers with situations like yours a lot. Her stand is always what's in the children's best interest? Is this affair your husband had something that won't happen again? Is it something that with counselling, you both can get through? Basically, remember that the kids deserve parents who will try to get through anything. Often times, love can be restored in a marriage. It takes a lot of work, but if there's even a touch of love left, it can grow. I believe most infidelity is brought on by the need for some sort of attention, a deeper meeting of the minds, or something else. I think sometimes it just takes people years to finally figure out that they were not meant to be together in the first place. But if that's the only reason, it's not fair to the kids to end the marriage. Until they are grown.

Good luck with your situation. I truly wish you the best. This kind of betrayal is heartbraking, but know that there are many reasons why people stray. And there are many ways to work through the pain and keep the love you have.

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