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Relationship Health Message Board


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My BF doesn't have good judgment when it comes to men. She has always respected my discernment in that area, or so she says. That is why she always comes to me for advice. Advice, might I add, she never follows. I have talked til I was blue in the face giving her "advice" not to date one guy, which turned into a horrible situation that I don't even like to think about anymore.

Then she meets a really nice guy while she was stationed in the midwest, and starts thinking about getting married. Well, as she told me about him and asked me for advice, once again, I told her I didn't think they'd be a good match. Sure enough, one miserable year later, they divorced, and he ran off with half of her savings to show for it. Including the secret college money stash she had put away for her 10 year old daughter (who she had when she was 16 by another no-good guy who has always refused to be a part of her life).

These are two examples of her taking my "advice." It's obvious that she is only wanting to hear what she wants to do anyway, but why does she keep asking? She knows I will be honest with her. Even when I bring up good points (like her ex's jealousy problem when she works in a field that is 98% male.) she will concede. She'll think about it. But she always ends up doing her own thing, and it always turns out badly. Then guess who has to be the support structure while she picks up the pieces?

She is highly successful otherwise, a flight officer in the Air Force. It takes alot of quality to make it to navigator as she has. But the romance department of her life, well, it just stinks. She still has a naiveté about her that attracts alot of guys. Then when they realize how headstrong and independent she is, they can't take it. But she won't cut them loose until they have caused serious damage in her life.

Her career has been on the line more than once because of situations that I "Advised" her not to get into. And her daughter has to constantly deal with her mom's mood swings when she's in bad relationships.

I recently found out that she is being deployed to the Pacific for a year. Her daughter would rather stay here with my friend's sister (also a good friend) and her husband. There is a no-no guy who will be deployed with her, who has already shown interest in her. Once again, she's asking me for advice, and I'm just fed up with it.

I love her and she has so many great qualities, but I just don't think I can serve as her sounding board anymore. I'm tired of being the shoulder she cries on as she admits "You were so right. I should have listened to you." But she and her sister have never gotten along very well (it's actually been difficult trying to be friends with both of them for the last 10 years) and she doesn't make girlfriends easily. I have noticed that girls are threatened around her and tend to be nasty, and that guys are drawn to her. Like a moth to a flame.

My husband even wonders over the attraction power she has. She's not really even all that "easy." But guys will put their careers on the line for her too (one even attempted suicide). In every relationship she's ever had, someone is at risk of destructing. And she never, NEVER seems to learn from her mistakes.

I want her to be happy. I hate the idea of being unsupportive, but with this new situation coming up, well, I can see the writing on the wall already. Do I keep doing what I've been doing? I value the friendship, so I don't see any other choice, but boy, I'm just so tired of it.





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