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Relationship Health Message Board

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My boyfriend broke up with me about 9 months ago, and sadly, I am not over it yet...not even close. We dated for two years off and on. I broke up with him twice, but ended up going back because I knew it was what I wanted. I began to accept things in him that bothered me. Some may think that is settleing, but there are always going to be things someone doesn't like in a partner, you just have to be able to live with them. And just to add...I didn't go back because I was lonely. I am a very independent women and don't need a man to make me was him I missed and not anything else.

Four months after we got back together for the last time he broke up with me. This was in April. From April through August I cried every single day. I quit my job at the end of July to prepare to move across country to go to graduate school. After I no longer had a job, I would stay in bed until 6 pm every single day. I went on depression meds which made it so I could function like a normal human being. I moved clear across country at the beginning of September and the intense workload of med school has made me think about him less. Instead of crying every day I cry about once or twice a week. I still can't refer to him as my "ex" though. I hate that he now refers to me as his "ex." It is as if there is a big X right over my face in his head.

I loved this man so much. He was such a bright light in my life. When he broke up with me he said that he needed to soul search and he was unsure of what he wanted. Perhaps he was trying to let me down easy....I don't know. I don't know if me moving far away had anything to do with his decision, but I had every intention of making it work. I know that long distance relationships are hard, but they are not impossible. I haven't had any contact with him in several months. There are times when I want to pick up the phone and call him but I decide against it. Because I haven't heard from him in so long, I assume he has moved on with his life and hasn't even looked back once.

I am in town for the holidays, and being at home has proven to be very difficult for me. I think about him much more when I am home than when I am across country at grad school. I am beginning to get a little bit worried here. Considering it has been almost 9 months, I feel like I should be further along than I am. I still think about him when I wake up and when I go to bed and many many times inbetween. Friends tell me "you just need to move on," and I think "DUH....I've been trying to do that for 9 months now!!" Does anyone have any advice for me? I am still so very sad and I don't know what to do. Thanks!

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