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Super insecure!!!
Dec 21, 2007
Okay so I recently posted a a post about my boyfriend being on vacation in mexico. During christmas everyone makes their weddings and big parties. Due to the fact that everybody from the U.S goes back in december to see their family. we finally agreed he would be able to dance with anyone as long as they weren't couple dancing freak type dancing. ...I also just want my boyfriend to be able to tell me when he danced with another girl with out hiding it. So i talked to him today from mexico and i asked if went to a dance last night and he said yeah i did no big deal. I know we had a agreed with eachother dancing with others but I'm super jealous and i don't know how to get over it. I get really upset to the point that im crying. I don't know how to get over how insecure i am. I get really jealous i don't know how to get over it. he told me that i was acting stupid because he isn't doing anything wrong ...that all he is doing is dancing and that if he wanted to leave me or cheat on me he already would have. He said he doesn't want to be with the girls down in Mexico because they don't work, have they own job, go to school and they are slutty. I just want to know ho to get over being insecure and jealous.......
well my last boyfriend had cheated on with my best friend more than a couple times.....I was a virgin at the time we were dating and he told me that because i wouldn't sleep with him he had to find someway of doing it.... I lasted a year with him until him and my ex best freind stabbed me in the back.

I'm have currenty been 4 years with this guy and i just dont know how to get over my jealous ans insecure ways.
Honestly, if I were you I would go to counselling if you are this untrusting. We have all been hurt in the past, I have been cheated on, one of my best freinds even slept with a boyfriend in the past, BUT, I dno't use that as a reason to not trust my current husband. If someone has proven they are trustworthy, then you need to just let it go and trust them. Worrying about it constantly won't change anything, and will drive you crazy, and probably drive them away. My husband has also been cheated on before. We both dealt with our issues before we got together. We both go out seperately to bars, go on seperate trips, have freinds of the opposite sex, and fully trust each other. The thing to remember is, if the worst happen and say he does cheat on you, you would be ok. You would leave, it would be hard, but you would live and get over it. Why not just live and be happy. If this guy has given you a reason not to trust him, than that is different and you probabaly shoudln't be with him. But honestly, if I was going away on a trip with my friends and my husband felt the need to have a talk with me about if I was " allowed " to dance with other guys, I would think there was something wrong with him and wonder why he didn't trust me, I mean, its just assumed I would dance and have fun. we don't even talk about what the other will do on holidays without the other because we assume the other will dance, go out, possibly flirt, but we are also confident in our relationship. Insecurity in a relationship is HUGE turn off, I have dated men like this, didn't want me out with friends, were jealous of any guy I knew or would talk to, would snoop for pictures of me on trips I would go on, they didn't last long because it was so annoying always having to justify myself.
[QUOTE=nidcon06;3359062]well my last boyfriend had cheated on with my best friend more than a couple times.....I was a virgin at the time we were dating and he told me that because i wouldn't sleep with him he had to find someway of doing it.... I lasted a year with him until him and my ex best freind stabbed me in the back. [/QUOTE]

Well, having read this, it is hardly surprising to me that you were left damaged and insecure Nidcon. You didn't just have your trust abused by someone you should have been able to utterly depend on; you had your trust abused by the [I]two people[/I] closest to you outside of your own immediate family. That would damage any person emotionally and psychologically, but [I]especially[/I] if they were a virgin at the time - no doubt about it.

Now what you've got to do is to ask yourself a few different things; literally, ask yourself these questions:

- 'Am I prepared to allow the wrong that was done towards me continue to hurt me and damage the relationship I am in today with the man I love?'

- 'Am I prepared to allow a situation where the man I love has to pay for the wrongs other people committed towards me?'

- 'Am I prepared to risk losing my relationship by driving away the man who loves me on the back of these past hurts?'

- And finally; 'Am I prepared to allow these people, who deserve no power over me, to continue to wield it?'

I think when you take a step back and look at the situation, when you accept, logically, that the decisions those two people made are continuing to negatively influence you to this very day, you will be more likely to harden your resolve in fighting off the negative thinking their hurtful and disgraceful behaviour has left in its wake.

I read an excellent book recently and I would really (and I cannot stress this strongly enough, for yourself or for anyone suffering as a result of their own negative thinking) [I]really[/I] recommend it. It is called 'Stop Thinking - Start Living' and it's written by a man called Richard Carlson. That would be an [I]excellent[/I] book to read in your situation Nidcon, and it would be a real first step in getting over this.

I read it myself in order to combat a lot of negative thinking I'd been having lately as a result of work related stress; I had been constantly thinking; "Will I ever be able to tackle this issue as it deserves to be tackled?", "Can I articulate myself well enough to pull this off?", "Am I talented enough to do this?" and then of course that turned into; "I will [I]never[/I] be able to tackle this issue as it deserves to be tackled", and "I can [I]not[/I] articulate myself well enough to pull this off" and "I am [I]not[/I] talented enough to do this". Well, I knew something had to be done to sort that mental BS out and, I swear to Our Lady, I only put the book down last week and I'm seeing the benefits already! I know I can't say that about many books I've ever read!

Seriously Nidcon, I think you should take that first step and head out to the bookstore as soon as you can. I wish you the best of luck and would be very interested to hear how you got on with it if you do decide to read that book. (and remember, if they don't have it in the bookstore you could always order it in!) :)





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