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[QUOTE=nidcon06;3359062]well my last boyfriend had cheated on with my best friend more than a couple times.....I was a virgin at the time we were dating and he told me that because i wouldn't sleep with him he had to find someway of doing it.... I lasted a year with him until him and my ex best freind stabbed me in the back. [/QUOTE]

Well, having read this, it is hardly surprising to me that you were left damaged and insecure Nidcon. You didn't just have your trust abused by someone you should have been able to utterly depend on; you had your trust abused by the [I]two people[/I] closest to you outside of your own immediate family. That would damage any person emotionally and psychologically, but [I]especially[/I] if they were a virgin at the time - no doubt about it.

Now what you've got to do is to ask yourself a few different things; literally, ask yourself these questions:

- 'Am I prepared to allow the wrong that was done towards me continue to hurt me and damage the relationship I am in today with the man I love?'

- 'Am I prepared to allow a situation where the man I love has to pay for the wrongs other people committed towards me?'

- 'Am I prepared to risk losing my relationship by driving away the man who loves me on the back of these past hurts?'

- And finally; 'Am I prepared to allow these people, who deserve no power over me, to continue to wield it?'

I think when you take a step back and look at the situation, when you accept, logically, that the decisions those two people made are continuing to negatively influence you to this very day, you will be more likely to harden your resolve in fighting off the negative thinking their hurtful and disgraceful behaviour has left in its wake.

I read an excellent book recently and I would really (and I cannot stress this strongly enough, for yourself or for anyone suffering as a result of their own negative thinking) [I]really[/I] recommend it. It is called 'Stop Thinking - Start Living' and it's written by a man called Richard Carlson. That would be an [I]excellent[/I] book to read in your situation Nidcon, and it would be a real first step in getting over this.

I read it myself in order to combat a lot of negative thinking I'd been having lately as a result of work related stress; I had been constantly thinking; "Will I ever be able to tackle this issue as it deserves to be tackled?", "Can I articulate myself well enough to pull this off?", "Am I talented enough to do this?" and then of course that turned into; "I will [I]never[/I] be able to tackle this issue as it deserves to be tackled", and "I can [I]not[/I] articulate myself well enough to pull this off" and "I am [I]not[/I] talented enough to do this". Well, I knew something had to be done to sort that mental BS out and, I swear to Our Lady, I only put the book down last week and I'm seeing the benefits already! I know I can't say that about many books I've ever read!

Seriously Nidcon, I think you should take that first step and head out to the bookstore as soon as you can. I wish you the best of luck and would be very interested to hear how you got on with it if you do decide to read that book. (and remember, if they don't have it in the bookstore you could always order it in!) :)





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