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Dear Peter,

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I too am suffering from narcistic parents.

My mother used to introduce me to her many men as "her cousin" when I was growing up. She constantly denied me and my siblings as her children to appear "younger" to the several guys that revolved in and out of her bedroom. My father on the other hand was hardly there for us which didn't do us any good either. Even up until this past week, our mother's still the same except this time, we just completely stopped talking to her because she's VERY toxic and demeaning to us. She's not going to change, and as much as it hurts us, we'd decided to stop talking to her. She doesn't have a kind word to say to us and about us. We just got tired to listening to all of her negative and demeaning messages.

As the folks above me have said, it's up to you to make the change, just like me and my siblings. We're all adults now and it's up to us to "nurture" us, the way we needed to be nurtured.

You no longer need to tolerate anybody's negative messages.

Therapy has helped me and I'm contemplating of going back because I still have some anger towards my parents and I don't like to be angry. It takes away too much of my energy.

I also believe that the things we experience in life, even the negative ones makes us become better human beings. I'm a parent now and I'm completely the opposite of my parents. I've asked my son who's now 20 years old if he's had a good childhood and he said, "Mom, I couldn't have asked for a better childhood with so many good memories". That's my payback.

You'll be okay Peter. Just take good care of "you".
still searching put some good words down. I have forgiven my dad because he has went to a pyschologist and is working on being more compassionate. The thing about narcissm is the people that have it are deeply hurt and lack a normal human empathetic value. Every word, action, and so on is seen as a slight to thier own vanity. They just cannot except themselves as anything less than perfect, only because they never recieved the healthy love and assurance growing up. They even see thier kids and other family members as extensions of themselves and have no concept of other people haveing boundries. They take no consideration of privacy and feelings of other people. The best way to deal with it is just to give up on them getting to treat you right. I know that sounds kind depressing but without extensive therapy they really have no way of changeing. Try to avoid long eye contact or anything else that will trigger them to feel as if they are being judged. People are chemically addicted to thier emotions and thought patterns. These thought and emotionally patterns have been repeated over and over again and are hardwired in thier emotional and brain makeup. Everyone does what they can to survive, the ego will take whatever means necessary to feed itself the nueropeptides that keep it happy. Ok I know this is getting deep but I have a good backround in pyschology and I have been in your guys I understand the pain.

Also i dont know what kind of realtionship patterns you have formed, but many times children of narissicts parents become very naricissitic themselves our they become co-narcissists. They go around concerend for the feelings and needs of others and never worry about themselves. Some even go to the extent of needing people to tell them they are dumb,worthless..etc etc because that is what they were used to growing up. I know for several years I feel into the co-narcissist category, then I shifted raddically and became almost as narcissitic as my dad. But then I slowly evolved into the middle path of a normal emotionally healthy person. It takes a lot of time and you actually do have to rewire your brain to differnt thought and emotional patterns.

I dont know what your beleifs are in god because you can always ask him for help. God has done increadible work on me and I dont think without his help i would have feel into the same narcissict pattern. If you have any questions feel free to ask, I have extensive knowlege in pyschology and I am very spiritual as well. God bless you guys.

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