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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=KeltoKel;3363506]Just because you disagree with someone's advice, it doesn't mean you are on the wrong board. If you ask an honest question, then be prepared for honest answers. I believe you can learn something from everyone.

I am more concerned about your jealousy toward his sister. Can we talk a little more about that? Have you always felt this way about her? Your headline is "I am one of those jealous girls..." but the path has led us talking more about living together and deadlines.

Do you get along with his sister otherwise or do you have other issues with her? Like, if she didn't get engaged, would you even be thinking about a ring?

It could be two fold, that now you are thinking about a ring because his sister got engaged - and that is fine.

You want your own time line anyhow. You don't want to have a wedding the same year his sister has one.[/QUOTE]

I tend to think most of you guys are right, and it's not really about the sister. I really don't mind her. I think the jealousy comes from the fact that her boyfriend is mushy lovey dovey guy and I got it in my head that he loves her more than my bf loves me. The sisters bf writes her little love poems gives her pet names and fawns over her all the time. That stuff makes me wanna puke most of the time, but it'd be nice once in a while.

My bf is a very guarded, super tough guy. He must seem like a man at all times. He says "I love you", but he doesn't really like hugging or holding hands. He can't comprehend why I equate the mushy stuff with feeling loved. He will get me flowers for a birthday or anniversary. But not on random special days like some women get. He will get me every single gift that I put on my Christmas list, but not one surprise. To him, that is love.
This could be a whole other thread...but how many people get married because "they are in Love" or how many for practical reasons. I have spoken to many men who said they chose their wife because they thought she was someone they could get along with for the rest of thier lives. I've spoken to women who chose a husband because they thought he'd be a good father and provider. I rarely hear because they were so in love.

We often read about woman who go out with a man for years, break up and a few months later the guy is engaged to someone else.

Point is the dynamics of every relationship are different, depending on age, experience, parent's experiences etc. Some will say they got married out of some combination of love and compatablity.

Maybe you want the romance of being suprised with a ring but reality is most people talk about getting married first and pick out the ring together.

You will find your path and don't compare to your sister. You said she is marrying a loser.

I'm not much help....just stuff to think about.
[QUOTE=matter of time;3364253]This could be a whole other thread...but how many people get married because "they are in Love" or how many for practical reasons. I have spoken to many men who said they chose their wife because they thought she was someone they could get along with for the rest of thier lives. I've spoken to women who chose a husband because they thought he'd be a good father and provider. I rarely hear because they were so in love.

We often read about woman who go out with a man for years, break up and a few months later the guy is engaged to someone else.

Point is the dynamics of every relationship are different, depending on age, experience, parent's experiences etc. Some will say they got married out of some combination of love and compatablity.

Maybe you want the romance of being suprised with a ring but reality is most people talk about getting married first and pick out the ring together.

You will find your path and don't compare to your sister. You said she is marrying a loser.

I'm not much help....just stuff to think about.[/QUOTE]


That is a good topic. It seems like picking someone who is a good provider is the smart thing to do. I wish I could think more with my head and not my heart. The balance between the head and heart seems so hard to find!

The sister's boyfriend is 36 with no steady career. He is now making decent money as a new lobsterman, and they two of them are spending money like crazy lately because they never have any! Part of me is jealous because they are thinking entirely with their hearts and not their heads at all. It's all based on love.

He lived off her money for a while and now she is living off his because she is in grad school. It seems so romantic and foolish. I don't know if the fact that I need my own car and my own money to feel secure shows that I am not ready to be married or what.





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