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This is more than likely going to be an extremely long post, so if you don't want to deal with reading it, you can press the "BACK" button now.

I will be giving as much background as I can possibly remember.

So, a little less than a year ago, now... I was in a relationship with a man, who was much older than me. I wasn't exactly sure if it was ever going to work out or not, because of the age difference (And in the end, that's exactly what ended it). In the middle of all this, I had met a guy online, and we had become good friends. Well, anyways, things had progressed and eventually the man who I was currently seeing decided he wanted to take a break from our relationship, and he stopped calling me, talking to me, and et cetera. During this time I became very emotional, and I had cried on the other guys' shoulder... I could tell him everything, he was very understanding, and always there for me. In the middle of this "break", the other guy told me that he liked me ALOT, and he really wanted to make me his girl. It was weird at first, but for some reason, I had feelings for him, too. But didn't want to admit it.

Eventually, the guy I was seeing contacted me, and told me we should just be friends. Our age difference was too great, and he just didn't feel comfortable. I was heartbroken, but luckily it wasn't all that serious, so my heart healed. And fortunately, we actually managed to stay friends.

The night that I was dumped, the other guy, was there for me until the wee hours of the morning, comforting me, and just being there for me in general. As life went on, my broken heart had mended, and I had started to really fall for this guy. But there was an initial problem. He lived in California, and I live in Canada... Quite a distance. I'm not against long distance relationships, I know that they can work out if both people try very hard. I remember around this time he had told me, "I have a really bad past and a lot going on in my life.. Eventually I will tell you about all this. But I understand if you never want to talk to me again."

Eventually, he broke down one night and told me everything. He was married, separated, but married. And his "wife" was pregnant with a kid that could or could not be his. She had cheated on him in the entirety of their marriage. Not only that, but their personalities were completely wrong for each other, and they spent majority of their time fighting. She was also a compulsive liar, and lied about EVERYTHING. It took a really long time for her to admit to cheating, but then quickly changed her story. Most of the time, she would deny something, even if you showed her PROOF that she was lying... He told me within the first week of them dating, they had problems. But he said he was stupid and young, and he regretted letting all this happen. I felt sorry for him, and I cried so hard learning that he was going through all this. Something inside me at that time, told me it probably wasn't a good idea to get involved with him, but... Maybe I'm young and stupid, too.

So after being very reluctant about dating him, I eventually gave in because we just got along so well... so perfectly, and I still to this day feel that he is my soul mate. We basically have everything imaginable in common, and I love him very, very much. Eventually, the baby was born, which was a very difficult time for me. I told him that I wanted him to be a father, and be there for his baby, no matter if he was with me, or not. Obviously, it was the right thing to do, and every child deserves their father. But I also urged him to get a DNA test, because there is a chance that she could not be his child! But I needed to know that his feelings for me were true, before we let things get any deeper. He promised me, that no matter what, he would still love me, and never hurt me for the mistakes he made in his past... I was willing to have half a boyfriend just so he could be there for his baby. Family is important to me, too.

Around this time, I had also started talking to his brother, and "sister" (She isn't really his sister, they're just so close that they consider themselves to be siblings). They were extremely happy to see that he was moving on and finally giving up on the woman who had hurt him so much.. Apparently they had broken up several times in their relationship.. The bad thing is, they're Hispanic, and Christian. So their beliefs about this sort of thing are very "wrong". After his parents had found out about me, they were very upset, and decided that they hated me... as well as his 2 sisters. Which is and was difficult for me, because it's hard for me to be with someone who family dislikes me... I was scared it would always be that way. My feelings for him had already become so serious.

In mid-October, after several months of us being together, I had finally decided to go visit him. We decided that I would stay with him for about a month. I was very nervous at first, but once we had met, we got along just as we did online, and on the phone. Of course I knew what he had already looked like, through web cam/pictures, and etc. For the first time in my life, I wasn't afraid to let someone see "me" and I was myself, 100%. Regardless, he loved me all the same. He accepted my flaws, and I was able to be completely naked in front of him, both literally, and metaphorically, without feeling strange, ugly, weird, or anything like that.

I had eventually slept with him, giving him my virginity, which I had been saving for marriage, but it just seemed so right at the time, and he told me, that nothing was ever going to change. He would never hurt me, he loved me too much. We lived together for that month, and we acted as a married couple. I had become happier than I have ever felt before in my life. I was motivated to go back to school, and work on all the things I had given up on because of all the tragedies in my life which had made me feel like continuing on was pointless. (I had lost a lot of my friends to car accidents, and some family members and committed suicide... I was extremely depressed for numerous other reasons too). And we had decided to arrange for me to stay a month longer. I had become VERY close friends with his brother, and "sister". They mean a lot to me, they're like family.. I can also be myself with them. I've never felt so "at home". We were very happy. Aside from a few stupid fights we had had, but they were easily surpassed. We had gotten along so well.

During the next month, I had a pregnancy scare. I was 11 days late for my period, but I had eventually gotten it, (The cramps were the worst I've ever experienced, though. :eek: ). After this had happened, he ended up spending a lot more time with his baby. And ever since that, things have just continued to go down hill.....

He started getting really strong feelings for the baby, which I had always expected. I did not mind, I wanted him to be there for her! But, I still wanted him to get the DNA test before letting himself get too attached.. the longer he waited, the more it would hurt if the baby ended up not being his.

And now... I've made the biggest mistake of my life... He's more than likely going to decide to go back to the ***** who hurt him so much. He says he doesn't love her and he loves me, but he wants to be there for the baby... He thinks that she deserves to have her father come home to her every night. And he says that the DNA test doesn't matter anymore, he already loves her, and wants to be there for the baby, even if it's not his... I am completely broken. I cry all the time, my heart hurts so much, I have never felt such pain... I don't think I can ever recover from this one... I don't know what to do... he hasn't exactly decided to dump me yet, but.. I know that he's going to... and it just hurts me so much because of everything he's done to me, and every thing his "wife" has done to him. She hurt him so much. And since she's a compulsive liar she's doing everything she can to make him his again... she's threatening to move to Texas and take the baby away from him, if he doesn't decide to be with her... It hurts so much, and I don't know what to do...

He tells me I'm still young and that I can move on... but I just can't... I dream of him every night, I miss him all the time, he's always on my mind, every time I close my eyes, I see his face. I've never been willing to die for someone before in my life, and even though I tell him I'll never take him back if he goes back to her and sleeps with her.... I don't mean it.. And it sucks, I can't believe I'm not strong enough...

I need help, I can't do this on my own... My heart is completely shattered, and I never want to go through this again... I hate his wife so much, I just hate her... she's taking away everything from me... I can't believe he's falling for her lies and threats.... it hurts so bad, I don't know what to do... I just can't take it... I can't take it anymore..........
Wow, you have invested alot in this relationship! Right from the get go, you were taking a big chance knowing that :
1. He lived so far away that it's hard to have a full fledged relationship.
2. He was "Married". (even if he had problems)
3. He was a possible father.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but, unfortunatly being that you are young, these are the kind of things that we can only learn from. From here on out, try to pay closer attention to the "red flags" that are in plain sight. Follow your gut feeling. I know that the wounds are very fresh and it takes a long time to get over someone, as you well know from your past. Try to be strong and DO NOT take him back no matter how hard it is. Stick with guys that live near you and that do not carry so much baggage. I know we all have skeletons in our closets, but you deserve to be happy, so find a YOUNG and SINGLE guy next time.

My best to you!

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