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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=Seraph;3366829] I know he will be better off without her in the end, but he can't take it in yet. Sera[/QUOTE]

I'd imagine he cant. It'll be a lot to take in, and actually, I often feel [I]sorrier[/I] for men in marital break-up situations. At least if a womans husband ups and has an affair it is the usual social expectation that he will take his backside off out of there, but when it happens the other way round, when it's the wife who has an affair and decides to put paid to the marriage, he is [I]still[/I] expected to lose not just his wife (who he's probably better off without at that stage anyway) but also he's expected to forfeit 27/7 access to his kids and his own home to boot! It is truly one of life's situations where men have drawn (or rather have been handed) the short straw.

From what you've said, I'd be willing to bet that this affair correlates time-wise with her change of attitude. However long she's been displaying these new and apparently out of charachtar behaviours, I'd bet that's how long she's been seeing this man. I think she may have seriously fallen for this other man and now views your son as simply an inconvenience, something that's standing in the way of what she wants. That is such a brutal assessment, I know Sera, I'm truly sorry to say so, but that is honestly what this sounds like to me. :(

The question for you all now is, what are you going to do? If she has mentioned divorce then he needs to seek legal representation immediatly. It is a real pity he is sick at this time because she sounds to me like a woman who'd be capable of using his illness against him; i.e. making out he was not physically capable of taking his kids very often and that type of thing. Just keep that to the back of your mind so that should that suggestion come up you all could counter it by assuring that the children would be staying at your family home with a number of adults in it.

It must be so awful to see your son in this sort of pain! I can only imagine it; I just hope to God I don't find myself in your situation ten or fifteen years down the line because it sounds like an emotional nightmare.
[QUOTE=Laylah;3366861]I'd imagine he cant. It'll be a lot to take in, and actually, I often feel [I]sorrier[/I] for men in marital break-up situations. At least if a womans husband ups and has an affair it is the usual social expectation that he will take his backside off out of there, but when it happens the other way round, when it's the wife who has an affair and decides to put paid to the marriage, he is [I]still[/I] expected to lose not just his wife (who he's probably better off without at that stage anyway) but also he's expected to forfeit 27/7 access to his kids and his own home to boot! It is truly one of life's situations where men have drawn (or rather have been handed) the short straw.
[/QUOTE] it is even worse than that for my son; he has a job where he can compress all his hours into four night shifts over the weekends (police), so he has been the primary home caregiver for the children during the week so she can work at a full time job. Their youngest child has had him as her home parent virtually fulltime since she was born. He has gone from this to a weekend dad and the kids spend more time in child care since he cannot drive them around (her orders, even tho his doctor actually signed him off as OK for driving). Her latest outrage is to ask him to look after the kids while she goes out for New Years Eve with the new guy. I can't begin to understand the insensitivity and lack of caring that this shows. She has simply moved his name out of the 'husband' slot and into the 'person to call on for babysitting etc' slot, and doen't see that this may be hurtful. She definitely is missing a vital part. Although she will use the kids as weapons against him if he doesn't do as she wishes, she also wants to go out and have a good time now that she has shrugged off her marriage, so it is more like that she palms them off at every opportunity, and once he gets his own place, I can see that he will be having them a lot of the time. He has good legal advice through his job, and knows his rights and responsibilities. We are making progress on his illness and it is gradually improving (fingers crossed). Thank you again for your support. Sera





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