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I am 29 years old and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend of 26 for about 6 months. I have had several serious relationships in the past.

Recently, we shared some very topical information about our sexual history, and she revealed to me that she had been with 6 other people before me, far more than she had eluded to in the past - several in a very casual manner.

I know "the past is the past" and I should leave it alone, but the truth is, it bothers me that she's been with that many people before me (more than I have) - several of which she maintains contact with.

I realize that this is largely my problem to get over - everyone has a past. My question is this: Should I tell her I'm bothered? I feel myself being distant, and I know she feels it too...I just don't want her to feel I am judging her.

For some reason, I am ashamed of what she's done (one-night stands), and I just don't know where those feelings are coming from.....Should I tell her?
[QUOTE=holdfasthop;3376193]I am 29 years old and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend of 26 for about 6 months. I have had several serious relationships in the past.
[/QUOTE]

So, what happened to those other serious relationships? Did you have the same issues with them about past partners or were they all virgins and you just ruined them for the rest of us dirty old men? LOL :)

[QUOTE=holdfasthop;3376193]
Recently, we shared some very topical information about our sexual history, and she revealed to me that she had been with 6 other people before me, far more than she had eluded to in the past - several in a very casual manner.
[/QUOTE]

You've had this conversation with her in the past and you couldn't leave it alone could you? Come on... no one shares past experiences with their partners without passing judgement, be it to just accept it or make it a big issue in their relationship. Why else would anyone bring it up? You're not playing Scrabble and coming up with just words.

[QUOTE=holdfasthop;3376193]
I know "the past is the past" and I should leave it alone, but the truth is, it bothers me that she's been with that many people before me (more than I have) - several of which she maintains contact with.
[/QUOTE]

Maintaning contact or not, with past partners has a lot to do with the level of RESPECT they have for each other... and the SELF RESPECT they have for themselves. Really!

[QUOTE=holdfasthop;3376193]
I realize that this is largely my problem to get over - everyone has a past. My question is this: Should I tell her I'm bothered? I feel myself being distant, and I know she feels it too...I just don't want her to feel I am judging her.
[/QUOTE]


You can tell her but what is the objective you want to achieve with this. You can't change her past experiences with men. Is this more for your own benefit? I think so.


[QUOTE=holdfasthop;3376193]
For some reason, I am ashamed of what she's done (one-night stands), and I just don't know where those feelings are coming from.....Should I tell her?[/QUOTE]

I don't want to say that is your problem. It sounds too much like a criticism, but it is an issue that you have to deal with one way or the other. You just seem to be more conservative in how you value relationships. There is nothing wrong with that... unless it bothers you and you can't get over it.
So what do you do? .... only you can figure that out.

Hoop





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