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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi there,

My friends have said i need to seek help about my problems so this is me attempting to do so...

I'm 21 years old, male from the UK. I'm 5'9, thin (8 stone) with deep brown hair and eyes. When I started School my Father taught me that relationships were bad. He said that if i was to kiss a girl id be sexually abusing her and i could end up in prison. I spent most of school ignoring girls. Instead i turned to Internet pornography. In my last year at school i began to find girls attractive and started to want to have girlfriends. Nothing happened, girls just wernt interested in me. They all wanted the hot jock types and the sports boys.

After leaving school at 16 to work for a year i went to College. About 6 months in I met somebody. She was the first person to ever take any interest in me at all. She took me up into her dads bedroom and kissed me, it was my first kiss. I was 18. It was 2 months until my pearents found out. They flipped, kicked me out and disowned me. I moved in with my girlfriend. We spent the next year doing everything id never been allowed to do by my pearents. Things like eat candy floss, watch rated movies, go on a bouncy castle etc. She also taught me how to have sex. It took us 3 months to get that working but eventually it did. We were together for a year until she dumped me out of the blue at Christmas.

In the new year she introduced me to 'Guy'. He was a well built rocky type who was amazing in bed and at everything else. Apart from the fact that he was using her. My girlfriend and i started living together again a week later and decided to have an open relationship. The rules being that we knew we both liked each other but she wanted to be able to sleep with other people. This went of for another 2 years through which time she slept with 9 other people. Sometimes she'd do it whilst i was there and i was forced to sit through it. I didn't sleep with anyone. Id have done anything not to loose her. But on Nov 17th 06 she kicked me out. At the same time i was booted from my job because of it (we worked at the same place).

My world crumbled around me and i decended into depression. I spent 4 months in bed into 2007 crying my eyes out and not knowing what to do. One day i randomly got a text message from my old work mate from my job. She was a okish barmaid who was fun to be with and we kinda clicked. We told each other our deepest fantasies then agreed to meet and act them out. She arrived and we did but when we got up to the bedroom i didn't work. I was mortified. We met up twice more and both times i failed to perform and she ran off. I haven't seen or heard from her since.

Spiraling deeper into depression i became suicidal and was ready to give up on life. One night i was asked to go out on the town in bournemouth by a friends friend (a girl). She got very drunk, held my hand and sexy danced with me then kissed me when she got home but said she didn't want to do anything and that i wasn't her type. another month passed. Then one day i started talking to D. D was my best friend from College until my now ex girlfriend fell out with her. We talked and met up over the summer as friends. D is a very attractive bubbly fun person who always gets her man and never spends a weekend alone. Shes my exact opposite, men fall over for her and she hasn't been single for most of her life. We've known each other for so long that doing anything more than just friends would be wierd.

We started renting a place together in Nov 07 and i slowly came out of depression and got a successful job. D introduced me to one of her girlfriends. She was the most attractive woman who had ever taken a liking to me. She was erotic and fiesty and very chatty. We met up twice for sex and to my horror both times i failed to work again! She stopped talking to me and told D that i was dumped. It turned out that all she was after was sex anyways.

Thats my entire relationship history. I've had one girlfriend, 2 attempts at sex with people who only wanted me for sex and a bad drunken kiss. I've become addicted to Internet porn and have started to kick the habit, which is working. Recently D has started dating a friend of mine. Its really hard listening to the, giggling away having fun in the other room. It just brings all my emotions bubbling to the surface. I'm so lonely, i want to have a girlfriend but i have no idea what to do. I've never dated anyone, I've never first kissed a girl, girls never take any interest in me and i don't work in the bedroom. Its really depressing me again. Sitting there trying to ignore D and friend at it in the other room doing everything I've always wanted to do with someone is grating. I don't mind the sex part its just the emotions i get.

I really don't know what to do anymore. D and i talked about my problems and she suggested i get help. I know this sounds selfish but I want girls to notice me, i want to be attractive, i want to be good in the bedroom. I want to be able to have a girlfriend ... I have no idea how to ... what do i do?

Thanks
xx





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