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Relationship Health Message Board


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I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2.5 years. We've lived together for a year. I love him and he's a wonderful person who has never done anything wrong in our relationship, but there are definite things missing. The first one is sex, which has been lacking for quite some time! I think at 24, that's too soon for this to happen!!

Since we've lived together things have definitely fallen into a rut. I was in grad school until May and he started grad school in September, so our schedules are still really different. I feel confused about everything because I don't have my career yet and I don't know if he's the person I want to marry yet all these people around me who are my age are figuring these things out and it's stressing me out!

Then, I went to Mexico for 5 days with a friend of mine. She ended up being the WORST vacation friend because all she wanted to do was lay on the beach and read CHRISTIAN romance novels. Meanwhile, we were at an all inclusive resort with lots of fun activities going on all day which is right up my ally. I didn't want to miss out since I had paid a lot to go so I ended up doing all the fun stuff by myself while she laid around. This was fine because I like myself and I'm fun enough on my own, but it was a bit disappointing. Then, she went to bed at 9 pm every night!! So I still hung out alone at night. This is where the trouble started. I was so bored and alone that I happened to develop a crazy fantasy vacation crush on one of the Entertainment Staff members who was just super sexy and funny and nice and paid to be my friend. This worked out since I had no friends there to hang out with!

Anyway -- the crush started Monday night at casino night, Tuesday I was obsessing about him all day and he came and talked to me a couple times, Wednesday (our last full day in MX) my friend and I did an excursion to Chichin Itza (that big pyramid) so we were gone all day and I didn't see him. That night was costume party karaoke and I knew he'd be there. My friend of course went to sleep, but I went by myself and there he was -- dressed like a devil which was cruelly ironic. So I didn't really talk to him till the end when he told me that I had to come out with them (the entertainment people bring hotel guests to this night club in playa del carman about 20 minutes away on weds and fris and it's only $20 for the ride and all the drinks, etc.) I really hadn't planned on going because I had to be on a van to the airport the next morning at 7am and because I have a boyfriend and knew that I would only be going because of this guy. But, because I was weak willed and had no girl friend to tell me I was being dumb, I went along with them.

All was well until about the last 45 minutes when I decided I had to dance with him or I'd go crazy. So the dancing started -- the bad kind that I wouldn't want my mom to see me doing. He tried to kiss me and I wouldn't let him. But really, the dancing was bad enough. Then on the way back from the club he was basically sitting on me cuz the van was over crowded, and he was begging me to come back to his apartment with him. (of course i did NOT do that either, but it was ridiculously tempting). We got back to the hotel and took a picture together. He continued to beg me in his hot latin accent to come back with him, it would be the best sex ever, etc. Nonetheless, I resisted.

I said goodbye to him (after getting his email address) went to my room, and slept for 1 hour. My friends alarm went off at 5:30 am, I was still way drunk, exhausted, sad, nervous about flying, guilty, and pretty much every other emotion possible. So, I freaked out, called my boyfriend (yeah it cost $70) and told him what had happened. He, as usual did not freak out and was like - it's ok, you didn't hook up with him, we'll talk about it when you get back. But I knew that something serious had happened and things wouldn't be the same.

Since I got back it's like I'm not all the way back. Things with my boyfriend are weird. He's trying so hard, but I feel detached still. I totally cannot compartmentalize my emotions so the fact that I'm still thinking about this Mexico guy is hurting my ability to fix things with my boyfriend. Then I think, maybe I don't want to fix things because maybe he's not the one and I should break up with him - but that's like the worst thing I could imagine. And we live together and have 2 kitty cats and so aside from being hugely traumatic, breaking up with be seriously difficult.

I want him to be the one, but I worry that he's not. I'm worried that I've fallen out of love with him and that we've become just really good friends who live together. This is not the case for him. I know he's still in love with me, so it makes it so much worse. I can't imagine not being with him, but I can't imagine being in a relationship that's turned so passionless either. He's trying to be more affectionate and initiate sex more, but since I've been back (about 2 weeks) we still haven't done anything because now the fact that it seems forced is freaking me out more -- plus i'm afraid i'm going to be thinking about this MX guy while we're doing it which would make me way more confused. It doesn't help that I found the Mexico guy on ******* so I look at his picture like it's crack! It's also annoying because I know this guy is not REALLY the problem, but just a symptom of my relationship problems that I don't know how to fix or if they are fixable at all.

Any advice would REALLY be appreciated.





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