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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi everyone. No, he and I haven't had any explosive and entertaining rows or anything like that, lol. It's just that I've been doing a lot of reflecting the last two weeks and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing in my relationship. I don't know whether it's the cold turkey talking (I'm two weeks off the smokes) but I just don't always feel like he and I are going to make it when I look at him lately.

One thing that's really been bothering me is the way I feel he has prioritised his brother over our relationship this last twelve months. Obviously his brother is his blood and he should be helpful to him, but for Gods sake, surely there are limits??! I'll explain:

In the early spring of '07 my bf's brother lost his job and moved into my bf's apartment. And sat his arse there. And kept his arse there. And his arse is still there, as unemployed now as it was the day he first made himself comfortable on it. He is not claiming any kind of state benefits but is doing quite well for himself nevertheless making regular and apparently limitless withdrawals from the bank of Laylah's bf.

My bf pays the rent there, ALL the bills and household shopping, and get this - he even pays for his brother to go out drinking every week or two! And here's another thing - this brother isn't seventeen - he's * ing thirty-two!!! When he first moved into the apt my bf was living with me, but after my bf spending an increasing amount of time in the apt with his brother and paying all the bills up there and none of the bills down here I told him he could take his own arse up there for good since that's clearly where he regarded home to be. A lot went on, it isn't as clear cut as that, but that's the bones of it.

This isn't about money; I'm not a mean person; I never was and that's one thing I'm glad to know about myself. When his brother first moved into his apt I encouraged my bf to give him a dig out because I felt sorry for him and was thinking that his bro (who I actually do like and always had a lot of time for) would be working and on his feet within a couple of months at most and I was willing to take the hit in the pocket for a couple of months; but here we are twelve months down the line and my bf is still behaving like his grown adult brother is a wayward teenaged son! I felt resentful that my bf switched his contributions from our home to his brothers home for that prolonged period of time because to me that felt like he was abandoning his responsibilities here for the sake of his brother. I mean, he was still living here, eating here, sleeping here, washing here, and redirecting all his resources down the road to pay his brothers bills! Like I say, it wasn't a money thing, it felt like a abandonment/responsibility/loyalty issue.

Anyway, I gave him the boot out of the house as some of you already know; humped everything he owned down the road in my car and left it outside his apartment door. Now things are much more clear cut; I pay my bills and he pays his and that's fine with me, but I still feel resentful that he let that ridiculous situation carry on for twelve straight months (well, ten months was as much as I had to put up with as I gave him the boot in November) I feel resentful that he prioritised his duties and obligations as clearly secondary below that of pandering to his lazy-arsed dont-give-me-a-job-please-no-thank-you brother.

What I'm wondering is: [I][B]Are people in agreement that my bf prioritised his brother over our relationship?[/B][/I] Because I think he did and that is something I would never do and I [I]seriously[/I] resent feeling that he has done. I'm also wondering: [I][B]Do people feel there a difference between a person demoting their obligations to their relationship and demoting their obligations to the home they happen to be having it in?[/B][/I] (I don't feel there's a difference but I'm interested in other peoples views on that)





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