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Relationship Health Message Board


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I Am Not Yelling(all Caps) I See This Better...sorry..nowi Need Advice Desperatley In Fact...i Am A 42 Year Old Woman Married To A Bipolar/abusuve In Every Sense Of The Word Husband...from The Last Abusive Episode On Me And My 18 Year Old Daughter..which Resulted In An Ambulance I Have Left And Have Filed For A Divorce...my Mom Hates Him Ofcourse And Says If I Let Him Come Back This Time She Will Never Speak To Me Again...my Daughter Says The Same..so It Has Been Almost 3 Months Now...separated That Is...my Question Is...i Still Love Him Very Much We Have A 9 Year Old Daughter Together And He Uses Her In Desperation To Get Me Back...he Does Not Work At The Moment As He Has Hired A Lawyer For His Ssi/ssd Case...we Have Been Together 11 Years And It Is Very Hard For Me To Let Go..especially When I Know He Is Sick And Has No One Else...my Head Says To Leave Him Be And Let Him Figure It Out..but When He Is Crying And Upset On The Phone My Heart Tells Me Differently...one Day He Loves Me And Cannot Live Without Me And The Next If I Dont Comply With What He Wants At The Time...he Hates Me Again...i Could Go On And On About The Scenarios He Has Put Me Through With The Distrust,accusations, Verbal Abuse When Hes Not Satisfied ..but I Wont ..he Doesnt Help Me With Child Support I Work 6 Days A Week To Take Care Of Me And My Daughter And Took cAre Of Him For 2 While He Laid On tHe Couch And Ate Till I Got Home And He Immediately Found Eveything I Had Not Done Right..and The Arguments Started Again Yet One More Day...please Help Me With Advice..am I The Sick One That Is Even Considering The Fact Of Letting Him Come Home? Or Should I Finally Just Let Go? Thank You For Any Help...i Am Litterally Going Nuts Here...i Am Consumed With This Daily!!!!!
Maybe you don't care enough about yourself, which is okay, because you are only hurting you. But your child has said that she won't speak to you if you allow him to come home. Can you find strength in trying to do the right thing for your daughter? No child should have to grow up in the conditions you described. Is it worth it to you?

From what you wrote, I can't see one redeeming quality in this man. What exactly do you love about him? I think you should find a support group for this, as I'm sure one exists. Start talking to people who are going through a similar thing. You need support right now. Your mother sounds like she will support you emotionally if you don't continue to take him back. That's more than some people have.
All of the confusion he is causing you is manipulation. He is a sick man and he needs help, but you will never ever be able to make him see that. In his world he is right and everyone else is wrong. You have just lived in it for so long that you believe it.

The most important thing now is you and your children. Let him worry about him. Believe me, he will be fine. They always are. You need to do what is best for you and your girls.

I really feel for you cyndi62765. I couldn't imagine having stayed with my abusive ex for that long. I think you should seek some therapy and start to rebuild your self esteem. You are a beautiful person and deserve soooooo much more than what this man has to offer. It will get easier for you, but it is going to take time. :angel:





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