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I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he cheated on me about a month ago and I feel like it still just hapened. I just dont understand why. I thought he loved me. He tells me he still does yet he continues to talk to the other girl. Here is what happened. He met a girl at work and told her all about me, bad things of course. Then he told her we were broken up but I was still living in the house. My boyfriend started acting very strange. His phone was on silent all the time. He was constantly going into the bathroom. ( to text her) He was snapping at me over the smallest things. He even told me that he no longer finds me attractive. Well I had a gut feeling that something was up. Then one day out of the blue, she contacted me through *******. She told mer that she really liked him and that she didnt understand why I didnt like her. I told her that she needs to back off of my boyfriend and she said that she was told we were broken up. Then she called my boyfriend to ask him if we were broken up or not and he said we are I just dont want to accept it. That is when he finnally admitted to me that he had sex with her. Then she called back and I was trying to ask him why and he treated me like garbage because she was listining. Then when he got off the phone he kept telling me how sorry he was. Well the next day I came home from work and he was talking to her on the phone. I started screaming calling her all kinds of dirty names. He hung up and told me I was wrong and immature for doing that. I kept saying but I thought you cared about me and he said look at what I am looking at on the computer, That is how much I care. I looked at the computer and he was looking at porn. I started crying uncontrollably and ran out of the house and called my dad. I left that night. He cryed and begged me not to go. But I later found out that as soon I left he was on the phone with the other girl and she came over. We still talked to each other after I left but we mostly fought. Things started to calm down so I asked him if he wanted to spend new years eve with me. He said yes. Then the next day he told me he couldnt because it would hurt to much, and he just wanted to spend new years alone like he deserves and he told me not to call him. Something did not seem right so I drove by around 9:30 and her car was in the driveway, then I drove by again at 2:30 and her car was still in the driveway. He called me the next day crying and telling me he was so sorry and I asked him what did you do on new years eve and he said he cryed him self to sleep. I told him that I drove by and he tried saying it was the neighbors car but he finnally admitted that she was there and she spent the night. But they didnt do anything they just talked. Yeah I dont believe that for a second. Then things calmed down with us once again and he called me one morning and told me that he was really sick. Then I got a text from him around 5:30 saying that he was in the ER. Well I got scared and called his mom and long story short I found out that he lied about that too becasue he was spending time with his new girlfriend and didnt want me to bother them. I went there the very next day to get the rest of my stuff and she locked herself in the bedroom and would not come out. He treated me like garbage the whole time because she was listing and as soon as we went outside he started telling me that he loved me. He had bruises all over his arms and I asked him how he got those bruises and he said he got in a fist fight. But I later found out that him and that girl were wrestling. I just dont understand whay he is doing this to me. We were together for seven years. We were going to get married! I still love him and I dont think I will ever stop. I cry myself to sleep every single night. I waske up in the middle of the night crying all the time. and now, My stomach burns so bad, my chest feels tight and everytime I eat something I feel nausea. I have lost so much weight which is not a good thing because I am allready thin to begin with. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel so worthless. I dont even want to think about dating other men and my friends are trying to get me to. I'm not ready. He is the only man that I love. He still calles me to this day and I am nice to him because a part of me wants him back. I just dont get it. He was never like this and now he is a different person. Even his mother told me he would never cheat. I know he is still taking to that girl and it just kills me inside. Anybody have any insight? Do you think we are better off apart or maybe we could work it out? I dont think I am ready to cut him completly out of my life. I at least still want to be friends. Am I insane ?
[QUOTE=leelee04;3397945] I feel so worthless.[/quote]

You shouldn't. You're not the one that cheated and lied and did all of these horrible things. HE is the one who did this, HE is the one who should be feeling worthless!

Him cheating on you is not a reflection on you at all. You didn't cheat. But it speaks volumes about the kind of pig loser he is, which is why you have to stop assuming that this is somehow your fault. You didn't hold a gun to his head and tell him to cheat, he did that all on his own.

Do you see what I mean? You aren't the problem here. He is!

[quote]He still calles me to this day and I am nice to him because a part of me wants him back.[/quote]

Why do you want someone back who cheated on you and hurt you so badly? The reason why you're feeling so sick and nauseated and crappy right now is all his fault, it's all because of what HE did to you. HE is the reason for all of your pain and bad feelings. Why would you continue to want to invite that kind of thing into your life?

What you really need to do is cut him off completely and stop speaking to him. For you to give him any kind of communication is to basically tell him that what he did was ok and doesn't matter. But you know darn well that's not true. What he did was selfish and stupid and moronic. And you can do a hell of a lot better than to date a selfish stupid moronic loser like him. I know you feel like you invested a lot of time with him, I invested 7 years of my 20s with a loser just like this who cheated and then denied it even when I had proof. It was a relief that I finally got up the courage and broke it off and didn't talk to him anymore, because I finally took my power back and started living my life in a way that honored and respected myself. If you don't break this thing off, you're going to suffer and be miserable the rest of your life with this idiot. You really can't do that to yourself. You have to love yourself more and realize that you deserve so much better than someone like him!

[quote]Do you think we are better off apart or maybe we could work it out? I dont think I am ready to cut him completly out of my life. I at least still want to be friends. Am I insane ?[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't even be entertaining the thought of working this out! He has been so disrespectful and hurtful toward you that the mere thought of you getting back together with him should fill you with absolute dread! You shouldn't even be considering it! He cheated on you and lied and said so many hurtful things, it doesn't matter if he apologizes, the damage has been done. He can't take it back. And the problem is that if you allow him back into your life, he's going to either keep seeing that girl behind your back or he'll cheat again with someone else, because he's a pig and a snake and a total and complete jerk!

You don't even need to be friends with this guy, because he doesn't deserve your friendship, either! You owe him NOTHING! You seem to be glossing over the fact that he has hurt you so deeply and letting it slide, the fact that he has cheated and disrespected you so much. Why do you want a friend like that? What kind of friend is that? And what's the point? Just so he can go off and do something else that's going to hurt you again? I don't see why you would want to put yourself in that position.

I'm speaking from experience here, from an almost identical situation. And I'm telling you that the BEST thing you can do FOR YOUR SELF is to ditch the guy, cut him off completely, and move on with your life. The worst possible thing you can do for yourself, for your self-esteem and your self-worth is to keep this guy anywhere in your life. He doesn't belong anymore. He doesn't deserve to have you in his life anymore, he totally blew it. It's done, it's over, he is a has-been and the sooner you treat him as such, the sooner you can move on with your life.

It's very hard to move on after spending so much time with someone. I know! but it's even harder to wake up one day, 3 years later saying to yourself, My God, have I honestly wasted 10 years of my life that I will never get back again, on this guy who cheated on me and then proceeded to make me suffer every single day since the incident occurred? Did I really honestly do that to myself? How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I listen to people when they told me to get rid of him? That is what's going to happen if you don't do what I tell you. Believe me, it's going to hurt a lot less in the long run if you dump him now and get him permanently out of your life than it will 3 years from now when 10 years of your life have been wasted on a guy who isn't even good enough to be the slime on the bottom of your shoe.





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