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Relationship Health Message Board

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I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he cheated on me about a month ago and I feel like it still just hapened. I just dont understand why. I thought he loved me. He tells me he still does yet he continues to talk to the other girl. Here is what happened. He met a girl at work and told her all about me, bad things of course. Then he told her we were broken up but I was still living in the house. My boyfriend started acting very strange. His phone was on silent all the time. He was constantly going into the bathroom. ( to text her) He was snapping at me over the smallest things. He even told me that he no longer finds me attractive. Well I had a gut feeling that something was up. Then one day out of the blue, she contacted me through *******. She told mer that she really liked him and that she didnt understand why I didnt like her. I told her that she needs to back off of my boyfriend and she said that she was told we were broken up. Then she called my boyfriend to ask him if we were broken up or not and he said we are I just dont want to accept it. That is when he finnally admitted to me that he had sex with her. Then she called back and I was trying to ask him why and he treated me like garbage because she was listining. Then when he got off the phone he kept telling me how sorry he was. Well the next day I came home from work and he was talking to her on the phone. I started screaming calling her all kinds of dirty names. He hung up and told me I was wrong and immature for doing that. I kept saying but I thought you cared about me and he said look at what I am looking at on the computer, That is how much I care. I looked at the computer and he was looking at porn. I started crying uncontrollably and ran out of the house and called my dad. I left that night. He cryed and begged me not to go. But I later found out that as soon I left he was on the phone with the other girl and she came over. We still talked to each other after I left but we mostly fought. Things started to calm down so I asked him if he wanted to spend new years eve with me. He said yes. Then the next day he told me he couldnt because it would hurt to much, and he just wanted to spend new years alone like he deserves and he told me not to call him. Something did not seem right so I drove by around 9:30 and her car was in the driveway, then I drove by again at 2:30 and her car was still in the driveway. He called me the next day crying and telling me he was so sorry and I asked him what did you do on new years eve and he said he cryed him self to sleep. I told him that I drove by and he tried saying it was the neighbors car but he finnally admitted that she was there and she spent the night. But they didnt do anything they just talked. Yeah I dont believe that for a second. Then things calmed down with us once again and he called me one morning and told me that he was really sick. Then I got a text from him around 5:30 saying that he was in the ER. Well I got scared and called his mom and long story short I found out that he lied about that too becasue he was spending time with his new girlfriend and didnt want me to bother them. I went there the very next day to get the rest of my stuff and she locked herself in the bedroom and would not come out. He treated me like garbage the whole time because she was listing and as soon as we went outside he started telling me that he loved me. He had bruises all over his arms and I asked him how he got those bruises and he said he got in a fist fight. But I later found out that him and that girl were wrestling. I just dont understand whay he is doing this to me. We were together for seven years. We were going to get married! I still love him and I dont think I will ever stop. I cry myself to sleep every single night. I waske up in the middle of the night crying all the time. and now, My stomach burns so bad, my chest feels tight and everytime I eat something I feel nausea. I have lost so much weight which is not a good thing because I am allready thin to begin with. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel so worthless. I dont even want to think about dating other men and my friends are trying to get me to. I'm not ready. He is the only man that I love. He still calles me to this day and I am nice to him because a part of me wants him back. I just dont get it. He was never like this and now he is a different person. Even his mother told me he would never cheat. I know he is still taking to that girl and it just kills me inside. Anybody have any insight? Do you think we are better off apart or maybe we could work it out? I dont think I am ready to cut him completly out of my life. I at least still want to be friends. Am I insane ?

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