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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. When I am with him I feel so happy I really enjoy spending time with him. My problem is that a lot of times when I am alone I think of the things that he has done in the past that have really made me upset, I keep thinking of these things although he has already apologized for it and no longer does them. I feel upset all over again, I get mad at him and sometimes I even cry myself to sleep about it. Sometimes he calls me when I feel like this and I snap and get upset at him again, he doesn't know why I do this and I know that when I lash out on him like that I hurt his feelings. Other times I try to control it but he can tell in the tone of my voice that I'm upset over something. I don't want to tell him because I don't want him to think I'm crazy. I don't know how to stop it and it just sucks because a lot of times it makes me physically sick (headaches, nausea).

It's not only with my boyfriend, sometimes I come home from a good day of hanging out with a friend and I'm fine. As soon as I come home I start to think of something she did a while ago that she probably doesn't even remember and then the next time I see her I treat her coldly. I've done this also with old friends and now because of this they no longer are my friends... sometimes I completely avoid them. I don't have a lot of friends now.

It also happens when I go out to places. I can go out somewhere and like it. Then when I go home I think about it and for some reason although I was fine when I was there thinking about it makes me depressed, I all of a sudden develop bad vibes from it and never go back to it and avoid people who are associated with that place (like my old job...).

I don't know how to stop this and it is affecting my life greatly. I feel like if I can no longer trust my own feelings... I feel like if my own feelings and my mind are hurting me, if that makes any sense. I don't know what to do about it. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

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