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Weird signals?
Jan 21, 2008
I have a friend whom I met whilst away on a university trip. This was two and a half years ago, when my ex and I had broken up the first time.
After we returned from that trip, we met up a lot, and started kissing etc. Things were going well, I fancied him so much, he made my head spin, but then my ex came back on the scene and we got together. The other guy, Ill call him, Ben, was looking forward to see me at a ball we were all going to but i hadn't told him i had got back together with my ex- instead he saw us together and he looked very, very sad. Nevertheless, we continued our friendship, and we were always very flirty. I told my boyfriend at the time, that i found Ben very attractive, and my boyfriend hated this, along with the fact that I had been seeing him up until we got back together. He got so jealous and mad (even 8 months into our relationship) that he sent Ben a threat, saying if he ever came near me, he would be in trouble (I've watered it down a little lol).
Anyway, eventually my boyfriend and I broke up but were still discussing gettiing back together. One evening, after I left my exes after one of our many discussions which lead no where, I went to meet Ben. This was last summer. We drank wine in a lovely park and had a wonderful time. He was seeing someone new, but I had no problem with that. I still loved my ex.
Moving on, a few months later, Ben broke up with his girlfriend. We started meeting up a lot, going out to clubs etc. He cooked me dinner for my birthday.That was lovely. He kept asking me to stay over but I couldn't. When we went out for my birthday, aling with a big group of friends, my friends kept asking who he was because apparently he was all over me. I couldn't see this and some of my friends said I should be warned that if I liked him, I was giving off the wrong signals, being cold. But I didn't want anything to happen that evening because it was my birthday and I just wanted to enjoy it with friends. Again, towards the end of the evening, he kept asking me to go back to his place. I declined. And one of my male friends told me I was too good for him, and kept pulling me away from him.
Ben walked home with an old friend of mine, who apparently kept telling him to forget about me because he would have no chance because i had too many admirers. hmmm.
Anyway, weeks went by, and suddenly Ben stopped acting interested. Before the christmas break, he kept dropping hints that we were nothing morethan friends. Which was fine, but I was a little puzzled as to why thigs had changed. But anyway, I made it clear to him that I felt the same way.
Since I moved out beginning of this month, he has been over to my place a lot. He has stayed over about three times. He would always come over, even if I called when he was busy doing something- he would drop everything and come over. We would stay up late, talking, listening to music, drinking wine- having a lovely, relaxed time. I would feel very comfortable sleeping next to him. It was lovely. A few times he would ask me to put my arm around him, because he said it felt nice, but I didn't do this for too long. After leaving in the morning, he would send me messages like "i love talking to you, i love spending time with you."
Last week, I realised I still fancied him. He is two years younger than me, and we are in very different places in our lives, but i always have such a wonderful time with him. I get along with him so well. I felt so comfortable with him. But saying all this, I always knew we would never be good in a relationship. So I wondered about having some fun with him. I couldn't stop thinking about being intimate with him. I remember our kisses from long ago, and the attraction, it was amazing.
So last week, when I was returning home from a girls night out, I got speaking to his flatmate who told me that Ben really fancied me too and whilst he would say he couldn't have a relationship with me because i was too mature,he was too immature, he seemed like he did want a relationship but was just hiding it.
So I decided, tongiht would be the night for some fun. Not a relationship because deep down I knew I couldn't go through another heartbreak because i knew this just wouldnt work.


Then after some kissing and on the brink of getting it on, he told me he couldn't do it.
I wasn't upset, I wasn't embarrassed, nothing. I just wanted to know why.
He kept giving me lots of excuses, couldn't make much sense of it. I told him it was ok, that i just wanted fun, and that i wasn't in love with him and didn't want to form a relationship.
He asked if I wanted him to leave. But I told him he didn't have to, because I felt comfortable with him and didn't hate him- because that is how much i like and respect him.
So in the morning, he was acting very arrogrant. I was very confused about last night, but anyway. I went off to work and received a text ending with "see you around sometime." I replied, what the hell is that, what happened etc, shame you couldn't even say sorry. He replied saying, never talk to me like that, i don't want to see you again. I replied calling his manhood something crude.
I was confused?????? What on earth had happened?
My friends and my mum kept saying he is in love with me and felt knocked back when he realised i just wanted fun. Even his flatmate kept saying, he has deep feelings for you, but is very sensitive.
But if he felt that way, surely he would have continued to be intimate? Guys arent like us girls.
So yesterday, I sent him a message, asking what the hell had happened, and stated that i felt bad, and that we could maybe start dating and see where it went by taking it easy and that if he didn't want to, despite what happened, it shouldnt come in the way of our friendship because we always have such a good time. i told him i was sorry for messaging him and i was going to invite him round but he sounded so mad in his last text. he replied i feel exactly the same way. i felt sorry for how that night went and acting weird. id still lvoe to hang around with you. Lets meet very soon so we can talk. In in a really good mood now."
Then I messaged him, "Did last week happen because we are just friends or because you felt knocked back because i said it was just fun?"
He replied, "To be honest, i dont know. Are you free tomorrow?"
Then we agreed to meet up.
I kept thinking, maybe it would be ok to start something new with him, despite having a strong feeling that it wouldn't work out. So I thought (i was feeling very guilty) yeah why not. I can have some fun.
So I meet with him today and he says he just wants to be friends, that he thinks I am beautiful, but feels we would be better as friends.
A little annoyed, I felt like asking him, why he couldn't have just told me last night but oh well.
Im not heartbroken, I am not upset, nor angry.
Haha Im just a little confused. Would you be?
I mean, he has made it clear he just wants to be friends- which is fair enough and i feel comfortable enough with him (despite all this) to continue the friendship (which is a good sign- if this was any other guy, i'd be freaking out). I am not in love with him nor have strong feelings. I just fancy him a lot and that is it.


it was just sex.
But despite all this, I am confused as to his signals. Would you be?

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