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Hi, All. I am kinda new here...kinda been one of those lurkers for a few days. I have decided to go ahead and post my situation...don't know why I am so worried about doing this. I don't know anybody but I am still nervous. Nevertheless, you folks seem to have good advice, so here goes.

I have been married to my first and only love for 9 years now. We have children and life goes well most of the time. We were both raised in religious families and belive marriage is not just a trial run on happiness...we know it takes work and we know you can't just walk away when things aren't going the way you want. There was a time a few years ago when my husband cheated on me. Talk about a bomb being dropped...I didn't know which way to go. I cried, and cried and got angry and then, I found myself soul searching. Was this man really worth trying to rebuild trust and the long road that I knew lay ahead? After a week or two, I decided one month and a very bad decision was not worth throwing our relationship away. I found strength I was not aware was in me. For the first time I identified myself aside from him...and we worked through things including the affair, his alcohol use, my spending habits and a few other wonderful things and here we are 4 years later.

Here's the tough part-I find myself questioning my decision. I find myself jealous of the fact that I have never kissed another man and that he has another woman. I wonder if I stayed with him out of "doing the right thing" or because I didn't want my kids to suffer. Please don't get me wrong, I do love him. We get along most of the time...he has since been faithful. But things aren't the same with us. When he chose to have an affair, he took "us" away. You see, we were each others first and only kiss and first and only lover....so a huge part of "us" was killed by the affair.

Now, just to make my life more like a soap opera, I find myself pulled in this strange direction. For the first time in our married life, I find myself wildly attracted to another man. I long to be with this person. No, I have not made any "move" nor has he...but I think about it all the time. When he smiles at me I find my knees shakey...just like a school girl!! I am quite sure if I made the move, he would not back away. Please don't hate me, as I know many of you have been hurt by the such...what is crazy is I have been hurt by the such as well. I just don't know. I find myself justifying actions....such as what would one kiss hurt? I would not sleep with this man..but just a kiss and to have him hold me.....

Anyway, that is my issue. Thanks for reading....I feel better already just getting it off my chest. Again, I am not proud of this and I realize marriage is marriage. But he threw it aside....and this guy drives my crazy....I am so ashamed to admit that the last time hubby and I had relations, I thought about him. Oh, I am so going to hell.....
Yeah whatever you do, do not have an affair! Do not kiss or whatever you long to do. That will only make you feel horrible about yourself and YOU are not the problem so don't make it that way!

This is why it's so hard to decide whether or not you are going to stay married after adultry...because you don't know if you will ever get over it. I'm sure when you decided to stay you figured that the two of you could work it out and that you'd get over it but 4 years later here you are not over it yet. I hate to sound like a broken record but I think that if you are going to stay married that you need some counseling. Either alone or as a couple...most likely both.

You can never say that you didn't try and work this out and don't ever feel like you did the wrong thing that you stayed for the childrens' sake! The children are the most important thing IMHO once you have kids...they need to be top priority. I don't mean staying in a marriage if there was abuse though! I just believe that once you choose to bring kids into the world and until you raise them up...there are sacrifices one must make. As far as I'm concerned, it's a huge sacrifice to stay with someone that's betrayed you I don't care how sorry they act like they are. I mean how can you cheat on someone that you truly love? I don't think that you can! Again that's only my opinion. Not only did he cheat on you, he cheated on his children!

Try and seek counseling to help you get through this...perhaps your church offers this? Getting involved with another man will only complicate things and make you feel guilt. The few moments of pleasure are not worth the lifetime of pain you will feel from committing adultry! Remember, you would not only be cheating on the husband(and at this point you probably don't care if you hurt him) but you will be cheating on your children!

I can't tell you how sad this story makes me! I can SO relate! Being cheated on is one tough pill to swallow!:(





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