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[QUOTE=happymom28;3421364]I am so glad you finally see it this way AJ. I know it is hard to accept, especially when you love(d) him so much. But it doesn't matter how much you love if he doesn't love back.

Keep up with all the positive aspects in your life and do your best to forget about him. Block him again if necessary. Send the message that you are no longer a revolving door for his needs of the moment.[/QUOTE]

After the last week of getting back into contact with him, I WANT to move on. I want to forget him. I don't want to care about him. And this is very good, a major development. Him not returning a few of my calls, telling me he is scared of me, not messaging me when he returned, having the time of his life without a care in the world about me.....plus all the hurtful things from the past.....he is so not the guy for me. I want to move past this. It is done.

It still gets hurtful, the pain is very hurtful indeed but at least I am using it to make positive forward steps forward away from this heartbreak. I deserve better. I really, really want to forget him entirely, completly and I have never felt this so strong. Part of this has a lot to do with the fact that I am much happier now in my life and in myself as a person and also from making contact with him and showing myself how little he really cares- he didnt return two of my phonecalls, planned meeting up but said he had other plans etc etc, blamed me for not contacting me etc etc. No way- I don't want someone like him in my life as a friend let alone a lover. And I can truely say this is his major loss and in a sad way, altho this may seem like talk to make myself stronger and better than him, but I don't think he will ever likely to be happy in a relationship because of how selfish he is. Things will be fine but as soon as he experiences any problems, he will walk away. He reminds me a lot of my uncle who cheated on my aunty- they are divorced now. I can love with all my heart, I am a very passionate person, I have so much to give where as my ex......well, sometimes I do wonder why I loved him so much. I really do wonder- we had incredible times, I just loved him, but he had so many flaws, and him being very selfish and arrogant overwhelmed me at times. My cousin always says, you know youve met a man who truely loves you when he puts your needs before his- not all the time- but my ex never put me before him, not once. That hurt. Even simple things- always him first.
Im friends with my exes, but my most recent ex, he just couldn't do it.
He in fact sickens me now. I forgot so much of his appalling behaviour. Seriously, I need to write it all down to remind me of his ways. Making contatc with him was good- I got to talk to him on the phone a few times and remember him for who he really is and not the fantasy I created whilst he was away.

I have counseling on Monday but I dont know what to talk about with the counsellor and what I should expect. Im not so much confused anymore as I have made contact and realise he is still the same selfish person he was before he left and that we will never get back together. Maybe I should cancel it because I want to forget this as best as I can and as soon as I can and maybe if I started counselling and started telling someone about the whole experience will just make me hurt even more. I don't know.





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