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Well Im new to this so I will just start at the beginning.

I have NEVER been faithful in any relationship I have been in. I am currently married with two children, and as much as I love my children and my husband, the pattern hasn't stopped.

When I was first engaged, I slept with my ex boyfriend. You know the one that broke your heart? I killed myself for that and for 10 years was very faithful to my husband. I was actually not really interested in sex for most of the 7 years of marriage. Not because of my husband, but because sex to me was not enjoyable. I did have two kids though. My Father died and 18 months later my Mother died suddenly. It seems to have thrown my moral compass a rye. Then one night my brother in law stayed over (for a work function) while my husband wasn't here and we ended up sleeping together. That "relationship" hasn't stopped no matter how hard I try. Im not out to hurt anyone, my husband, or my Sister in law (husbands sister), and have told the BIL several times how I feel. But at family functions it continues.

After the initial brother in law incident, I found my husband had created a profile on sex sites looking for someone and while I was away with my two children he was suppose to meet up with her (a paid woman). I was completely devastated and considering how much of a creep I am being to him without him knowing I shouldn't talk. Our marriage hangs in the balance.

Since then, I have met up with that same ex and slept with him.. and the Brother in law is still in the picture. My husband doesn't know about any of this cheating and has been trying to make the indiscretion of NOT sleeping with someone up to me. We have been to therapy and we are constantly pretending things are fine.

I hate doing this to him and to my family. I want to stop cheating, but every time I tell the BIL not to come over, or stop myself, it doesn't work. Im not romantically involved with ANY of them. My husband, my BIL or the ex. None of them deserve this and I don't know how to break the cycle.

Please understand that I want to be a good person and feel like I will never be able to. If I tell my husband, he will be ENORMOUSLY hurt and will probably end our relationship. I don't want that.. I also dont want to distroy the brother in laws family either.

How do I get my moral compass back in line?:o

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