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Relationship Health Message Board


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These comments are a bit harsh BUUUUT...I have been cheated on so I can understand the hurt(which is an understatement of the world!!!!!!!!!!) The hurt from someone cheating on you is just so beyond words...it does not even compare to the pain you feel from the guilt of cheating on your spouse. But I still stand by my "don't say anything" because it's probably going to destroy too many lives if she does. I remember when my EX husband confessed that he had not actually just had a one night stand(this I got over) that was the story he swore by for 15 years, but in fact was in love with someone else and was going to leave me but chose to stay. Had I never known anything I would never have been hurt but what hurt the most was that I knew he cheated but he lied about it when it came out telling me it was just a one night stand. Then(when he finally told me years later) I felt like our whole entire marriage was based on a lie because I don't think I would have just gotten over that he was in love with someone else. It was just a couple months after his confession that I divorced him!
[QUOTE=Nina000;3***457]You don't need to tell him. You know what to do and there is no need to involve him in this unnecessary pain. It is not a long-time affair with someone you love...or fancy. It was a MISTAKE and you understand that. You are mentally a 100% faithful to him and to your family and that's what matters. You don't see many who are willing to take responsibility for their actions but you did. Please stop tormenting yourself over this. It is over in your mind and I hope that the tests will go fine. This is a big mistake BUT it is not worth ruining a family for. Look at it as a learning experience that brought you closer to your family. Forget it and move on.[/QUOTE]

I agree 100% with Nina! I mean, it would be a completely different story if you were carrying on with a full blown affair, but that wasn't the case. You made a mistake, a big mistake, and you know and understand that. There is absolutely no need to hurt your husband and upset your family over something like this.

I am also a woman who was cheated on by her first husband. My ex did this over and over again (among other things) which is why I could not stay with him. He never once felt the guilt, remorse, and anguish that you feel right now. I think a one time thing is something you can get over with counselling and work, by why do that to your husband? It's just not worth all the pain it would cause.

Like you said, you are going to have to deal with the guilt for the rest of your life and that is a pretty hefty punishment. Lets also not forget that your preist even feels this way. I'm not here to judge what you did because we all make mistakes. I just want to urge you to keep it to yourself and deal with it yourself (through counselling with your preist or a therapist) if you have to.





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