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Boring husband!!
Jan 31, 2008
Hi Everyone,

I've been married a year and a half, but my husband and I have been together for over eight years now. We've lived together for almost five years and are generally very happy together.

However, the past few months he's been driving me NUTS and I'm wondering if anyone has advice or a sympathetic similar story to make me feel like I'm not alone.

Basically, he doesn't want to do ANYTHING. He wakes up very early and works very hard during the day, so at night he lays around the couch for hours on end watching TV. Period. I've suggested playing board games....we tried it for a few minutes and he pretty much quit because he didn't want to play. I do crossword puzzles....he'll help with an answer here or there but really has no interest in actually sitting down and doing one with me. Actually, he has no interest in ANYTHING and that's what's driving me crazy!

He's always been a homebody, and I knew in college when he preferred an evening of take-out and a movie to going to a kegger what I was getting myself into. I kind of liked not being with a major frat boy, and I've always known that I'm the main thing in his life. However, we've had quite a few spats over Friday evenings.....I want to go to dinner and out shopping, he wants to get take-out and go to bed at 10:00.

So basically I decided that, in order for me to not completely lose my mind, I need to start planning things for myself to do and let him mope around the house all he wants. I joined our community theater and spent the entire fall at rehearsals making fantastic friends and having the time of my life. He has been very supportive, up to a point, but was never willing to come help build the set or watch a rehearsal. He also skipped out on most of the cast parties. It's not that I need him to be in the show with me, but it would be nice for me to share this huge part of my life with the person I'm married to. That's just it....he doesn't seem to care at all what I'm doing or what's going on in my life, and we don't have much to talk about then because he only has his job and his couch!

I just got the lead role in our upcoming spring play and will be back at the theater again. This time it's a romantic role, so I'm out kissing other guys and definitely doing a lot of heavy emotional scenes. I'm finding it's a wonderful outlet for my emotions, since I can't really let them out at home. However, I'm worried that my main chance to really let out my emotions is with some guy I barely know.....why can't I be having deep exchanges with my husband? I'm not at ALL worried about falling for anyone else, but I am worried a bit about falling out of love with my husband because there's simply nothing there to love.

I don't feel like this all the time. In fact, most times we're together I enjoy snuggling on the couch with him or working on projects around the house together. When we go out with friends or are with our families, we have an amazing time together and are a solid couple. It's these random nights, like tonight, where I feel like I'm trying to connect with him and get him to do stuff with me and he has no interest in doing anything. I just can't understand it. Then again, when we're at his house his dad sits and watches TV all night while his mom works in the kitchen, so maybe that's where he gets it from....

For the record, despite being a couch potato he is very physically fit and is a real cutie. Depression runs in his family so I sometimes wonder if he may have some sort of social anxiety issue or simply be depressed, but how do I know? Maybe he's just really boring and it took me 7 years to notice????

Anyway, I'm open to stories, ideas, advice, whatever. Thanks!
I think it is interesting the way that men DO turn into their fathers. Clearly he is demonstrating what an effective role model his father was to him LOL. Get bossy with him. Steal the remote control, remove something vital out of the TV workings, tell him that you and he are either going out to dinner together or he can stay at home and eat scraps while you go out. Unfortunately, you are enabling him to be boring by looking after yourself. This is good up to a point, (to guard against your own insanity) but there are grounds here for demanding that he shift himself and share the life a bit. We all need a bit of give and take, and he is not doing his share of the giving in this instance. Sera
I often wonder if I enable his behavior by not calling him out on it more. Perhaps I'll try that tonight and see where it gets me :)

Thanks for the advice.
I think you need to plan a weekend trip, pack his suitcase, and force him in the car. Be sure to book yourself a stay at a bed and breakfast where is there is no television and plenty of "outdoor" things to do.

Yes, you did know he was a homebody, but once in a while he should be able to compromise to make you happy. I urge you to talk to him about your feelings and needs without being accusatory. Just tell him that a night out for dinner once a month would be nice. Even married couples need to have dates.
I can somewhat relate to this. I'm 23, and very much a homebody. But the thing that freaks me out is that my parents' relationship is very much the same as yours. My dad works in the manufacturing business so he does manual labor all day, so when he gets home he just wants to sit in his chair and watch TV until he falls asleep. Him and my mom do the same thing, just sit around and watch TV but it's in seperate rooms because they don't even enjoy the same shows. They'll talk when he first gets home, but then they always end up in seperate rooms watching television.

I've found that in my past two relationships this behavior of my parents has seeped into my own relationships. The first 6 months to a year me and my girlfriends will actually make the effort to go out to movies, dinner, camping, vacations and weekend trips and whatever else. Then after a while I'll notice that I actually start becoming like my dad! It's almost embarrasing. I won't want to go anywhere, I'll just sit around watching TV while my girlfriend would want to go out.

Lately I've almost had to make a serious effort to become more active and outgoing, because I realize that how my father is is not how I want to end up in a relationship (or with my life in general). I'm trying to exercise 2-3 times a week, and to enjoy time out with friends a little more. I do have a history of social anxiety in my family, which may explain things somewhat. But it does take a real effort to go out for me.

Try letting him know that you know he works hard, but that you do as well and that you want to go out at least one night a week. Sometimes people need motivation to get off their arse and do something. Be persistent with him.
What I’m thinking is…maybe he feels as if you started a life without him and he feels as though he’s loosing you?? Allot of people, not just men; have problems socializing with other people in fear of being rejected. It’s also a lot of pressure for some and you have already made these friends now he has to prove/be accepted by them. Do you see where I’m coming from?

My ex was the same way but he had allot more problems that kept him in the house. I would have to drag him to family reunions AND would have to force him away from the boys by the end of the night. Needless to say he always had a very good time but just needed to be pushed. Then theres other that just, don’t like people! They don’t feel the need to make new friends and are completely compliant with whom they are and their life as is.

Hey, I know how to get him out of the house…tell him to take you to a lingerie store and pick you out a nice school girl outfit!:D LoL That might work!

I’m not trying to sound sexist but, sometimes men are like kids. They don’t know what’s good for them and you have to bribe them to do what you want. LoL

Just trying to make light of the situation.





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