It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Yes, my title pretty much explains the frustration I am having with my boyfriend. If you have followed my other thread, you know we both are single parents. From the beginning of our relationship, I have felt as if he didn't like my son. He really doesn't want to take the time to bond with him or get to know him. He basically blows him off as if he didn't hear him, gets annoyed, or gives him a smart a$$ remark when he asks him a question.

The other day the kids were bickering at each other. Normally, I would intervene but this time, with my boyfriend in the room, we decided to let them figure this one out on their own. My son is 5 and his son is 3. There was no physical contact. Basically the argument started with the 3 yr old started calling one of the 5 yr olds transformers by the wrong names. As the 3 yr old insisted he was correct, the 5 yr old started to get upset. He then blurted out "You don't know. You're still a baby in diapers." As soon as my boyfriend heard that he chimed in to say..."Don't let him talk about my son being in diapers. I don't want him to have a complex." Although my process in thought was saying...my son was only stating the fact that a baby does wear diapers...I went with his request and asked my son to stop with the diaper comment.

So that brings us to this morning. I have been feeling rather ill so last night I we spent the night over there to get a little help and some TLC. My son has a speech problem so at times it is hard to understand him. This morning we were getting ready to get out the door and my son went to my boyfriend and asked him a question. At first my boyfriend said what did you say. So my son repeated himself to which at the point my boyfriend mocked him. I walked in the room asking him not to mock him that was disrespectful. He shouldn't make fun of something he has no control over. His reply was I couldn't understand him. Well, then ask me but don't poke fun.

I am still steaming about it. It seems that I cannot get him to change his ways. I have directly asked him; do you not like my son? He said at first he had thought my son might be a problem but notices he has gotten better. Truthfully, my son is not that bad. He is the typical rowdy, silly little boy. I understand that he is bigger than his son but boys will be boys. I have seen the smaller one jump on my son's back while he was lying on the floor, hit him, and kick him. Only to have his father say, don't do that, it's not nice. Oh but if my son does something like that to his son basically he claims my son is being a bully. Don’t get me wrong, I would never allow my son to jump on his son’s back. I think my little one knows better than that.

I just feel as if my little man can't do anything right in his eyes and his little boy is a saint.
We had a huge argument regarding his son telling me no when I asked him not to do something in which he could get hurt. Basically we were painting one of the bedrooms and I went in there to clean up and his little one was climbing up the ladder. I told him he could not do that. Removed him from the ladder, closed the door, and set him in the living room. He looked at me and yelled no several times and kicked at me. I don't want to over step my bounds, so I quickly walked away. Later that evening, I told my boyfriend that I felt his son was disrespecting me when he tells me NO every time I remove him from dangerous situations. His reply was," my parenting class told me that it is normal for children to express their opinions and I am not going to punish him for expressing his.” I was appalled. I could not believe it. I thought what a child learns in the home from their parent’s shapes them into the adults they will one day become. If he is rude and disrespectful now, he will be same as he gets old.

I think this is at the point in which I realized this man is set in his ways and there is nothing I can do to get him to compromise with me. Basically, I am really not going anywhere with this thread other than I needed a way to vent my frustrations.


Thanks for reading....
Mary, don't know if I have any good advice to give you, just sorry you're going through that. I don't have any experience at being a potential or considering being any kind of a step parent at all, but I imagine it's a pretty hard thing, especially when you have your own child, and trying to get them to get along, and trying to not make either of them feel slighted, being your kid's mom but not trying to replace his kid's mom, etc etc etc yikes, that's quite a tap dance.

I do agree though, that your boyfriend seems to still be in single parent mode, "my kid, your kid" thikng instead of "our children". Perhaps you're both in single parent mode. Not to "blame" anyone, but like I said, I'm sure it's hard. And just for your boyfriend's information, "NO!" is not an opinion. If you are going to be watching his son and being any kind of babysitter/caregiver at all to his son, then he needs to teach his son to listen to you for his own safety. Letting his son scream NO at you when you're trying to keep him out of danger is just irresponsible. Any good parent would tell a kid to mind a teenaged, pimply-faced babysitter for the evening, so why not tell him to mind you when you're in charge? Sounds like he's grappling with some serious boundary issues. He's having a hard time letting you and your son in. And I do think you need to put your foot down about him mocking your son. If you hear that again, you need to start seriously re-evaluating this relationship.

All I can say is hang in there. Keep the lines of communication open and I hope things get better for you.
Hi Mary,

The first thing you need to understand is that you cannot change anyone. This man, your boyfriend, is who he is. You either take him as is or you leave the relationship.

Now, with that being said, can you honestly be with a man who is that disrespectful to your son? No man is worth damaging your child's well being over! No offense, but from everything you have described of your boyfriend on this and your previous threads he is rude, lazy, and disrespectful. Why in the world would you want to be with him. Like I said before, it is all about him and his son. You and your son are suppose to conform to his ways and standards, which are pretty disgusting if you ask me.

I still can't get over the fact that he mocked your son's speech problem but was offended by a comment a 5 year old made about diapers. Whose the adult here? Have some self respect and walk away. Your son will thank you for it!
first, the boyfriend shouldn't really get an equal chance to explain his comments. Any responsible adult when interacting with a child would never mock a child's speech problem. Thats ridiculous. Justifications after the fact don't take away the pain and hurt felt by your son. Even a 'sorry' can't erase cruel words, especially with a five year old. I think the boyfriend is a total loser, and by staying with him, you are choosing him over your son.

second, slightly off topic, i think, even when step-parenting, the step-parent needs to exert some authority and discipline and not leave it solely to the biological parent (talking about the ladder thing). if the kid is being disrespectful, i would, instead of walking away, deal with it then. he needs to learn to listen to you too if you will play a big role in his life. i think some step-parents/boyfriends/girlfriends are so afraid to ask for a basic common respect from kids sometimes. If I were in that position (and after talking it over with the spouse), I would treat the child like a babysitter would. Babysitters can't necessarily over-step their bounds, but they (the good ones anyway) can find a good balance b/w following the primary caregivers ideas and demanding respect.

third, also off topic, and I understand if you don't actually want to get into it, please explain to me how spanking a three year old while telling him we do not hit makes ANY sense whatsoever?





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:50 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!